Frustrated with dating apps? These experts have tips for a better swiping experience

The Current24:01Why people are breaking up with dating apps

As singletons report being dissatisfied with dating apps, some experts say there are ways to make looking for love online less unpleasant but it starts with being realistic.

"We've been sold this myth that, 'Oh, you can find love [on dating apps]. They're so easy. They're so efficient' and they're really not," said Treena Orchard, an anthropologist and associate professor at Western University in London, Ont.

Orchard is the author of Sticky, Sexy, Sad: Swipe Culture and The Darker Side of Dating Apps, which digs into the perils of online dating such as catfishing (where a person pretends to be someone they're not) and ghosting (where someone disappears without explanation mid-conversation, or even after a few dates).

"So much of it seems to be about a sort of a false presentation, as opposed to the more organic and sensory information that we can have when we are seeing and meeting people in real life," she told The Current's guest host Mark Kelley.

Match Group which owns platforms like Tinder, Hinge and OKCupid and competitor Bumble have collectively lost $40 billion US in market value since 2021. Dating platforms make the bulk of their revenue from selling subscriptions that unlock pay-for features, but reports suggest younger people aren't willing to pay for that access.

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Researcher Katy Coduto worked with the polling firm Ipsos to conduct a survey on attitudes to dating apps in the U.S. last year, and found that younger users in particular are losing faith in dating apps whether they're looking for casual encounters or something more long-term.

"The younger you were, the more likely you were to feel like you weren't maybe getting what you wanted from the apps, or to feel like they weren't as successful, maybe, as other options," said Coduto, an assistant professor of media science at Boston University.

Codutosaidthat while older respondents were relatively more optimistic, they did share similar concerns.

"There's a lot of disenchantment that stems in part because you have people looking for different things and then meeting people who aren't looking for the same thing," she said.

But despite that disillusionment, Coduto said many people just can't bring themselves to delete the apps preferring to keep the free versions on their phones.

"I think that's an interesting tension where people feel like it's not the best option, but it's still an option that they want to have," she said.

Be honest about what you want

Plenty of people do find and build successful relationships on dating apps, Coduto said. And for thosewho face barriers in meeting new people perhaps because they live in an isolated area online dating might be the best or even only option to make a connection.

But she said there are steps you can take to have a better experience when swiping.

"I think the first step is really being honest with yourself as a user about what it is you're looking for," she said. "That will help you be honest with potential partners."

Whether that means looking for a long-term partner or something more casual, Coduto added that it's also important to be realistic about what the app can provide.

"I think a lot of people will download an app like Tinder or Hinge and think, 'Cool, I'm going to download this and I'll meet someone, you know, on the first swipe,'" she said.

"Then [they] feel really let down when something doesn't pan out."

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Orchard agreed, suggesting that users should presume that online dating is probably "going to be weird and frustrating and take a lot of time."

But she said people should bear in mind that other people are also going through the same thing, which might help to "reduce the self-depreciation and internalized blame a lot of us feel in relation to our swiping fails."

Coduto said that being on multiple apps isn't necessarily productive, especially when it comes to how much time people spend on them, often prompted by notifications about unread messages or "prime swiping time."

"For a lot of people, it's one of those things that can get out of control really quickly where they're swiping and messaging for hours," Coduto said.

She recommends setting aside "designated swiping time" to regain a sense of autonomy and control.

Don't blame yourself for gettingghosted

One of the pitfalls of dating apps is that there's a lot of incentive for people to stretch the truth without outright lying, even by just posting the very best pictures of themselves, Coduto said.

"It is really tempting to put this amazing self-presentation out there. But you have to think, 'Is this something I could live up to all the time?'" she said.

She suggested that one way to avoid misrepresenting yourself is to ask a friend to look over your profile or uploaded photos.

But if you're the one who falls for someone who turns out too good to be true, Orchard said it's important not to internalize that bad feeling.

"Don't blame yourself for disappointing and hurtful behaviours like ghosting [or] catfishing," she said.

"People are not their best on apps and given the lack of security features and punishment these behaviours go unchecked."

Orchard said that from her perspective, a key piece of advice is to try in-person events like speed dating, and not rely on dating apps alone.

"Finding ways to get back into the wilds and replenish our in-person communication skills is something that I'd also highly recommend," she said.