How to break up with tact in the Internet age

When blogger Marta Tryshak split from her longterm boyfriend in 2012, she had no qualms about erasing his presence from her social media.

"I cut all ties," said the Torontonian, 28, who is also a co-founder of a digital media agency. "I personally prefer to unfollow, unfriend, just separate my life away from theirs."

In the Internet age, private events are now public, and sensitive experiences like a breakup are all the more confusing and potentially painful as they play out. But as we've seen with the breakup of celebrity powerhouse couple, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, there are strategies to mitigate and to make worse public perceptions of yourself after a split.

"Social media has definitely added another layer of complication to breakups," said Kimberly Moffit, director of KMA Therapy in Toronto. "Social media has made it possible to know what is going on in every facet of our ex's lives and for them to see into ours as well.

"Not only is there the temptation to follow/stalk/get updates, but there's also the fear of posting something that will hurt their feelings or make them jealous."

For those who sense they aren't ready to see updates about their ex's life, or who'd like to wipe their ex's existence entirely from their social media accounts, there's a specific online breakup etiquette one should follow, Moffit said.

"Talk to your exspecifically about how you will handle social media after you part ways the final time," she said. "This lets them know what to expect in the coming weeks and help them understand that you're not unfollowing them or deleting their pictures out of anger."

Moffit says she's rarely seen her clients use social mediain a positive way after a breakup, and she recommends those who feel particularly vulnerable consider taking a temporary social media hiatus.

For those who can't look away, there's still help.

Facebook announced last year it was testing tools to "help people manage how they interact with their former partners on Facebook after a relationship ends." The tools, now available in the United States and Canada, include options such as hiding your ex's posts from your news feed and limiting the information your ex can see about you.

As for Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, their breakup didn't play out on social media, but it did in the traditional and tabloid media.

When news of the split broke in September, reports focused on the fact that Jolie, 41, had initiated the divorce proceedings, that she was asking for physical custody of the couple's six children, and that she made the decision for the "health of the family," according to a spokesperson. Days later, reports of Pitt's alleged child abuse surfaced.

"I think she handled that so badly," said Natasha Koifman, founder of NKPR public relations firm based in Toronto and New York. "On one hand she said, 'I made this decision because it was the right decision for my family.' But on the other hand, you know that most of what happened with Brad Pitt shortly thereafter was definitely provoked by her camp."

Koifman points to Diane Kruger and Joshua Jackson as one celebrity ex-couple who handled their split with class. When the Canadian-German duo broke up, they confirmed the separation through their public relations representatives and avoided posting about the breakup on social media.

"I think that's a respectable way to do it," Koifman said. "You don't want the world involved in your business."

For folks without PR representatives, Koifman recommends refraining from posting about your split on social media. If you must, wait until painful emotions have passed before taking your breakup online.

As for Tryshak, she tries to keep her relationships private, despite having a public presence through her blog, With Love Gabrielle. She only felt comfortable writing about her 2012 split a year after it happened, and she knows the repercussions that can come with making the private public.

"It makes you more vulnerable -- you're opening yourself up to criticism," she said, noting that even posting about a happy ongoing relationship can lead to questions from friends and strangers following your social media accounts. "If you don't want a lot of people involved in your life it's better not to (over share).It's something that can't necessarily be reversed."

Katrina Clarke is a Toronto-based journalist who writes about relationships, health, technologyand social trends.