A 'grief camp' for bereaved individuals, families in B.C. is now overbooked, says organizer

Lily Friesen, 17, went to Camp Kerry for the first time after her father died when she was seven. Douglas Friesen, who passed away at the age of 49, had multiple sclerosis and a brain tumour.

"When you're that young you don't really learn about that emotion. You don't know how to deal with it, you don't know why you're feeling it and you don't know why it's happened to you," said Lily Friesen this week, as she prepared to go to the four-day retreat for the 11th time.

Each year, Friesen and her mother, Ruth Casey, attended the annual 'grief camp' for children, youth and their families who have suffered significant loss.

"I quite look forward to it, because in my day-to-day life, I don't always get an opportunity to process my grief," she said. "When your world stops when someone dies, the rest of the world keeps going."

Friesen's loss was compounded last year. Her mother, 54, died of ataxia, a degenerative disease of the nervous system that also took the lives of her aunt and grandmother.

This weekend, she's attending the camp in Princeton, about 283 kilometres east of Vancouver, with her godfather.

Not enough capacity

According to the charity that runs Camp Kerry in B.C., as well as another one in Ontario, for every family like Friesen's that's able to attend, at least one other family is turned away.

"We need to let people know we're struggling with their overwhelming need," said Heather Mohan, executive director of Lumara Grief and Bereavement Care Society, which runs Camp Kerry.

According to Mohan, the camp has grown over the years, as awareness has increased and referrals have gone up, but in recent years three factors have driven up the demand for the service:

• The COVID-19 pandemic (which killed 5,430 people in B.C. before April 15, 2023, when the province stopped updating its COVID-19 dashboard).
• The toxic drug crisis (which has killed more than 12,000 people in B.C. since a public health emergency was declared in 2016).
• The discovery of potential children's unmarked graves at Indian Residential School sites.

Mohan said the B.C. camp has space for about 35 families, but this year they received more than 100 family applications, which amounts to between 300 and 400 people.

Vulnerable young people

Mohan, who ran a family bereavement support program at Lions Gate Hospital in North Vancouver before starting the Lumara charity, said the hospital system is pretty good at supporting the families of terminally ill patients right up until their deaths, but then that help typically ends.

"It's very real. All of us will experience grief and loss and for those who are most vulnerable, it can really change the trajectory of their life," she said.

Mohan said for young people without enough support, a significant loss can lead to higher risk of mental health issues, including depression, increased anxiety, substance misuse, and suicide.

Arriving with a heavy weight

Mohan said her favourite part of the annual event is watching people transform over the duration of the camp. People arrive nervous, anxious, and in anticipation of the emotional weight that they'll have to deal with.

"Within a very short period of time you start to see this heavy, heavy weight lift and transform," she said.

Friesen describes the retreat as "kind of going to a summer camp, but with your family."

She'll spend mornings taking part in group counselling circles withpeople of a similar age with similar experiences. In the afternoon, there are activities like kayaking, cycling, zip lines, fishing, arts and crafts.

She said it's emotionally exhausting, but there's also some fun and laughter. Friesen said over the years, she's created strong bonds with friends at the camp, where people generally understand what she's going through, because they're experiencing something similar. Friesen said that's not the case in her regular life.

"When no one around you knows exactly what you're going through and how you feel, it's quite isolating," she said.

'Heartbreaking to turn people away'

Lumara mainly relies on donations from individuals, corporations and foundations, according to Mohan, and there isn't enough to add more camps to accommodate more grieving families.

"Without that ability to have a regular stream of funding, it's difficult for us to kind of meet all the needs, and so heartbreaking to turn people away," she said, adding that the country needs a national bereavement strategy.

"It's time we sort of bring this out of the shadows."