This Guelph, Ont., couple is looking for a surrogate via social media after frustrating search

Stephanie Craig and Mike Murphy of Guelph, Ont., are a pretty average couple.

They got married andboughta home together, and have been trying to grow their family since 2017 but that's been difficult.

Because of a medical condition, Craig was force to givebirth prematurelyin 2019at 24 weeks. The baby died just 36 minutes after birth. After that, the couple tried in-vitro fertilization (IVF)butit didn't work. Since then, they've beenlooking for a surrogate but there aren't many available for their needs.

In July, the couple decided to create an Instagram page documenting their search and sharing their experience with others going through the same the same experience.

They also hoped the online profile might help them find their surrogate.

"We found out that we were likely going tohave to go public with our search, and that's scary, putting yourself out there," Craig said.

Craig said while you can use an agency to find a surrogate,manycouples search independentlyto have more flexibility.

She saidan agency will have a list of all the service providers a couple would work with, but they want to be able to carefully pick their own lawyers and therapists to work with.

"It's more work for us, but we get to have the benefit of working with those that fit our needs best. It is particularly important to us that our future surrogate have the choice as to [which lawyer and therapist]she wants to work withas well."

Legal considerations

Under Canadianregulations,surrogacyis legal but there are rules surrounding what can and can't be paid to surrogates. For instance, you can't offer to pay or advertise payment for someone to be a surrogate. However, surrogates may be paid for medical and some other expenses related to the pregnancy.

To reduce the chances that young women are taken advantage of, it is also illegal to help or advise someoneunder age 21 to become a surrogate.

Anyone found guilty of breakingthese laws can be fined up to $500,000 or jailed forup to 10 years.

LisaFeldstein,a lawyer in Markham, Ont., who helps families navigate the health-care system, saidthere's lots to consider when looking for a surrogate.

They include ensuring it's the right path for you, includingby speaking to your doctor and gettingwell informed.

Feldsteinsaidone of the biggest barriers can be the financial implications.

It'svery much like an interview process at first where youget profiles, you read through the profiles and you find someone that you think that you're going to click with.- Karen Harnack-O'Connor, surrogate

"Surrogacyis very expensive. Even in the altruistic environment, it is going to be minimum in the tensof thousands of dollars because of the expenses atthe fertility clinic," she said.

"Then, the reimbursement of the surrogate can dramatically vary if they're paying her back for lost income or if she's a high-income earner and she has to travel a great distance to the clinic, [and] if she has several kids and needs a lot of child-care help."

These are costs Craig and Murphy are willing to reimburse for their surrogate.

Feldsteinsaid itcan add up to about $80,000 and some people can end up spending over $100,000 based on their individual needs.

Becoming a surrogate

KarenHarnack-O'Connor ofCambridge, Ont., signed up with an agency two years agoto become a surrogate, and gave CBC insight into the process.

As a first-time surrogate, she's about29 weeks into the pregnancy.

Harnack-O'Connor saidthe couple she chose to help were complete strangers. Over a two-year span,they've slowly become herclose friends.

"It'svery much like an interview process at first where youget profiles, you read through the profiles and you find someone that you think that you're going to click with. But then you still have to go throughthis whole dating process of seeing if both of your values match up together andyouroutlook of what you want during the pregnancy, and even contact afterwards."

Counselling highly suggested

Feldsteinsaidcouples and surrogates should also be thinking abouttheir individual mental well-being.

"Counselling is very important;it's not legally required, but many fertility clinics require it and it's a highly valuable step. Many lawyers do not want to even write asurrogacycontract until counselling has been done."

Feldsteinsaid counselling "will often make sure that a surrogate is emotionally fit and mentally fit to be a surrogate, carry a pregnancy for someone else and relinquishthechild, and for the intended parents as well, to make sure that they're ready, becausemany intended parents, they are grieving [a lost child]."

Craig saidit also helps to have a strong community around you.

"I found amazing women onIVFgroups that I'm good friends with. We've beenmeeting up. We now have thesurrogacycommunity that'srallied around us and they're checking in with me all the time," she said.

"If this is the way that you need to build your family, you can do it."