'My child was depressed, my child was anxious': Where to turn when you learn your kid is transgender

Close up on Genderis a CBC Montreal series for radio, web and television. You'll hear from Montrealers who are sharing their stories, or thinking and acting differently when it comes to gender in 2019.

What are you supposed to do when your child realizes they aretransgender?

When it happened to Connie Chabot, she didn't know where to turn. Chabotthought of herself as someone who was aware of LGBTQ+ issues in the past, herchild had expressed to Connie that they might be gay, and Chabot had accepted itwholeheartedly.

But when her daughter, who was assigned male at birth, beganstruggling with her gender identity, Chabot didn't know what to do.

"My child was depressed, my child was anxious, my child from the age of 10 years old was talking about suicide, my child attempted suicide in Secondary I," Chabot told CBC's Daybreak.

"I had access to a lot of resources. I had access to psychologists and psychiatrists and all kinds of people. But it didn't quite help us," said Chabot.

A resource for parents and kids

Years later,Chabot not only knows where to go she chairs the organization dedicated to helping other families like hers. Gender Creative Kids is a Montreal-based organization that helps support families of transgender and non-binaryyouth through peer support, both for the parents and the children involved.

Chabot's family got involved with the group after her daughter met another child who was participating in the program. Once Chabot's daughter began using Gender Creative Kids' resources, she came to the realization that she is transgender.

• Point of View: When I wear makeup, I am embracing masculinity
• AUDIO |"I don't see myself as male, [or] as a woman either": Non-Binary Montrealers share their experiences

"The moment she said it, it was like she was a changed person. It was like a train moving forward that I wasn't going to stop," Chabot said.

"We were going to go with it because all of a sudden, I had my child back."

Meeting and helping fellow families

Chabot'sjourney is one that Antoine Beaudoin Gentes, the project manager at Gender Creative Kids, sees often.

"The families, before they find us, they feel so alone."

"And then they find us, and they see happy kids and happy families. They just realize, 'Oh my God, we're not alone, we can get help,'" said Gentes.

When families arrive at peer support groups, the childrenhang out together in one room, while the parents stay in the other. Children and teens may do activitieslike art therapy, while parents share their experiences. It's a lifeline for parents like Chabot.

"That's when they can close the door and they can shed some tears," she said.

"They can say: 'What do I do? You know, how come I never saw this coming?"

Advocating for change

Beyond offeringsupport, Gender Creative Kids helps put families in touch with the resources that they need.

Beaudoin Gentes said that not every doctor knows where to refer transgender or non-binary children, and outside of city hubs like Montreal, those resources can be scarce. The group also offers workshops in schools and daycares to help educators learn more about transitioning youth.

Gender Creative Kids is also currently before the courts, pushing for changes to the Quebec Civil Code that will make it easier to legally transition. Beaudoin Gentes said the current system is complex, long, and hard for families to navigate.

"If you go through this process and you are just facing difficulties and obstacles, we think it's bad for the kids. So we need to help them, the easiest way possible."

Discover other CBC stories about gender:

• Point of View: When I wear makeup, I am embracing masculinity
• Dresses, rainbows and unicorns for boys: Raising children without gender norms
• How can we make Montreal nightlife safer?