'What nightmares are made of': Mom begs for son to come home a year after disappearance

For months, Amanda Frigaultcouldn't bear to turn thelights out at night.

The 38-year-old single mom would getthe kids to bed. Then she'd lock the deadbolt and liesleeplesson the living room couch. She was consumed by ahorrifying thought: Whoever took her oldest son, Brayden, would come back for 8-year-old Lauryn and 14-year-old Ryan.

"What if someone was going to come and hurt my other kids?" she said. "It's what my nightmares are made of."

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Brayden Thibaultvanished from the north side of Fredericton on July 31, 2017 andFrigault'snightmare hasn't ended since.

The teen was describedasa funny, sarcastic Grade 11 student at St. Stephen High School. He was astar athlete, a devoted grandson and beloved brother to five siblings.

Since his disappearance,Thibault said, she moved to a different apartment. She watched her son's friends go to prom and graduate. She went back to work after a four-month leave. She busied herself with her kids.

"You can't be crying in front of the kids," she said. "You have to keep going."

"Then at night it, all consumes you all over again."'

'Love you more, mama'

In her mind, Frigault hasreplayed thelast conversation with her soncountless times.

It was the morning of July 31 andBrayden had been in Fredericton for two weeks visiting friends, playing basketball, hanging out, and just "being a teenager," she thought.

Hecalled, textedor gotin touch on Facebook every day was gone.

"He let me give him the mom speech about being good and making good choices," she said.

"He told me he'd be back in a couple of days, and we ended our conversation with 'I love you' and he said 'I love you more, mama.'"

According to police, the teenwas last seen on the north side of Fredericton later that day.

Frigault saidthat's all she knows.

While his disappearance was declared suspicious nine months ago byRCMP, there have been no arrests and no leads in the case, she said.

"I couldn't even go look for him," she said.

"I don't know if he was seen in a vehicle, on the side of the road, in a store, in a house. I have no idea."

A homicide or not

In September of last year, Frigaultwas paid a visit by a detective.

The two sat in her home, surrounded by pictures of Brayden with his siblings,and photos of his athletic achievements on the walls.

"He told me that I needed to prepare myself because he thought that he was dead," Frigault said.

"I said, 'How can you sit and tell me that you believe that my 17-year-old son is dead and not tell me why?'"

When she pressed for more details,she was told that telling her could compromise the investigation. Later, she said, police privately told her Thibault was the victim of a homicide but then stated publiclyonly that they believe someone was responsible for his disappearance, and thatfoul play was suspected.

"We know there are people out there who know what happened toBraydenThibaultand we want them to see the video," Cpl.JullieRogers-Marsh, a spokesperson for theNew BrunswickRCMP, said in February.

"We believe people were responsible for his disappearance."

None of it, Frigault said, makes any sense.

"The mom in me wants to go tear Fredericton apart andI don't knowscream and yell and make people talk to me."

"But if it's true that he was murdered, I have two other children," she said. "You're torn in this place because you have other people to protect."

Small town rumour mill

A case like Thibault's has had the small town swirling with rumours over the last year.

Frigault said she's received numerous Facebook messages with tips probably bogus, possibly not about where to find her son's body. People have approached her in the supermarket with different theories.

How can you sit and tell me that you believe that my 17 year old son is dead and not tell me why?- Amanda Frigault, mother of missing teen

Frigault said her younger son even called her upset from his first day of high schoolafter "two kids came up to him and said that Brayden was found shot and stabbed in the St.John River."

"We've heard terrible rumours that he's been put in a meat grinder, that he's buried somewhere and will never be found, that he was tortured," she said. "We come from a small town, people like to talk."

"They have no compassion. They don't realize what it's done to us."

Bring Braydenhome

But one blessinghas been the kindness ofmost people in the community ofSt Stephen, and a "small army" of family and friends who have shown their support.

While it's good, she said, to know "that you're never alone sometimes when you want to be alone, you can't."

"People don't know what to say you're always reminded that he's missing, always."

A year after she last spoke with her son, Frigaultno longer holds out hopehe's still alive.

"My 8-year-old has said to me different times, 'I pray that he is in Heaven with Nana and Papa because I don't want him to be hurt,'"Frigault said.

Her greatest wishis that someone will provide police with the information the family needs to lay his body to rest.

"If I could have anything I'd love to see my son walk in the door or call me and let me know some crazy story of where he's been for the last year," she said.

"But my heart believes that will never happen. No parent ever wants to bury their child. I just pray that I can."