'Big boys do cry,' says volunteer firefighter who wants to erase the stigma of PTSD

For years, Paul Ashhas been rushing into dire circumstances like fires, crashes, medical emergencies. A firefighter with decades of experience in emergency response, he says he was always told "big boys don't cry."

But after experiencing his own mental health crisis, he wants to erase that stigma.

"Big boys do cry," he toldCBC News in a recent interview.

Ash spent 30 years as a firefighter with the St. John's regional fire department and now volunteers as assistant chief of the Harbour Grace volunteer fire brigade.

He says he's lost count of the number of crashes he's attended on the Veterans Memorial Highway, a well-used, two-lane stretch of road in Conception Bay North with a notorious reputation due to a series of grisly head-on collisions.

According to the provincial government, twelve people have died in 11 crashes on the highway since 2018.

"I wish I could forget what my eyes have [seen,]" Ash said.

But he didn't address his own symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder until his son came to him about a decade ago, imploring him to get some assistance himself.

"He said, 'Dad, you have to seek help,'" Ash said.

Ash sought out counselling, and was told he was overloaded after years of entering into traumatic situations. Ash said with the help of counselling, family, friends and his pets, he's doing much better.

"They brought me out of the place where I was going," he said.

LISTEN | Harbour Grace firefighter speaks out about PTSD:

St John's Morning Show8:56Safe Travels examines the toll traumatic events take on first responders

Nowhe's urging other first responders to seek mental health support, and he wants the provincial government to put more resources into mental health support for volunteer first responders like the volunteers at the Harbour Grace fire brigade.

No wellness programs for volunteers

Michael Murphy, chief of the Bay Roberts fire department, also wants to see more support for volunteers.

The memories of traumatic events like highway collisions stickwith members, he said.

"You pass certain spots and you're just going to get a chill," he said.

After a call, Murphy said, the department holds a meeting to discuss how the incident affected the volunteers. He said the provincial volunteer firefighter association offers support when departments deal with particularly stressful scenes, and the department has brought in a retired counsellor.

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Harbour Grace firefighter Paul Ash has spent decades responding to all kinds of emergency situations. As the CBCs Darrell Roberts reports, Ash wants people to know those traumatic events can profoundly affect first responders.

But Murphy noted that there's no employee wellness program for volunteer firefighters, so they can't avail of the same supportthat paid first responders get.

"We're doing what we can with what we got," he said.

Last year, the provincial government, in partnership with mental health organization Lifewise, introduced a help line to callfor first responders, staffed by peer support workers from first-responder backgrounds.But the line is a pilot project that will end by the end of the summer.

Getting help

Post-traumatic stress is common for first responders across the country though the full extent of the problem is unclear.

Lastmonth, a Winnipeg firefighter died by suicide, prompting calls in Manitoba for better mental health supports for first responders.

Ash said he has lost colleagues to PTSD.

"It's of the utmost importance now to get that help," he said.

PTSD affects other emergency services too.

Cpl. Jolene Garland of the RCMPsaid traumatic scenes, like crashes, are difficult to process and they can stay with officers long afterward.

"The sights, the sounds, the smells, everything we see at a crash scene, we take that with us oftentimes. It comes home with you at night," she said.

Rodney Gaudet, a paramedic and the president of the provincial paramedic association, said there are many reasons why first responders struggle with their mental health, andthey aren't always connected with traumatic events.

He pointed to excessive work and problems with the ambulance system as examples.

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