Guilt and discouragement: Why some teachers would not choose the same career again

"I love what I did, but I wouldn't start again. No way."

Water welled in Mary Jo Marsden's eyes as she thought back on her long teaching career.

She paused for a moment to collect her thoughts and stifle tears before continuing.

"The last 10 years were devastating," said the retired teacher.

"To see things taken away one little tiny bit at a time, and then a chunk here and a chunk there."

She recalled good times and rewarding work throughout most of her career. However, deep budget cuts and systemic changes to education in Newfoundland and Labrador has left a stain on her view of teaching.

"It's like we got on this roller coaster and we can't get off," Marsden said.

"And who are we hurting but the children?"

Would you do it again?

During CBC's unprecedented Inside the Classroom forum, teachers, principals, and counsellors from across the province had a chance to air their concerns with the education system.

• When teachers talk: Why CBC gathered 30 teachers to take us Inside the Classroom

• VIDEO:Inside the Classroom: Focusing on academic programs

At the end of a discussion that spanned an afternoon in January, they were asked if they would start over again in the same profession.

For Angela Dawe, it's a toss up.

"I ponder," she said.

"I love my kids dearly. I love teaching. But given the system I'm teaching in right now, I don't think I would [do itagain]."

Dawe, who's a music teacher at a junior high school on the northeast Avalon, said despite her best efforts, she goes home feeling defeated.

She said she wishes she had more time with students to form relationships, and thatshe didn't feel so frustrated.

I love my kids dearly. I love teaching. But given the system I'm teaching in right now, I don't think I would [do it again].- Angela Dawe, junior high teacher

She also said she wishedthings could be as good as she knows they could be, if her school only had the resources she feels itrequires.

"I find it really challenging," Dawe said.

"I have three degrees that have all focused towards being a music teacher, andI doubt myself many times."

Above and beyond service

Rather than retire after her 30th year of service, Donna Reddick decided to keep working.

When asked if she would do it again, she did not hesitate to say yes.

"For me, it's all about the child," she said.

"I love spending my day with the little ones. I like seeing the 'A-ha' moments."

As an elementary schoolscience teacher, she said she enjoys the little things, like showing childrenhow to use copper wire and a battery to create an electric current.

"I love seeing that light bulb come on. I really do. It's so intrinsically rewarding for me and my students," she said.

"I still have that drive. I still have that energy."

Increasingly, Reddick is having a harder time finding those 'A-ha' moments. She shares the same frustrations as the other teachers in the forum.

I worry about our younger teachers. Our teachers who are just beginning. What are they going to face?... And how is that going to impact the students?- Donna Reddick, elementary school teacher

As hard as she tries, she said she feels she can't give the students everything they need.

"When my students go home at the end of the day, I sit down and I have a big sigh. I feel discouraged," Reddicksaid.

"I worry about our younger teachers. Our teachers who are just beginning. What are they going to face?... And how is that going to impact the students?"

Guilt and frustration

Marsdensaid she worriedabout the impact her job washaving on other students in the school.

As a teacher for special needs students, she often requiredhelp in her classroom thatcould be used elsewhere in the school.

"I always feel guilty because I take the resources from the rest of the school to come help me with children who can't control themselves and who need help, and I take that from every class," she said.

She's concernedabout children with learning disabilities who only need minor help.

• Inside the Classroom: Read all the reports from our series

She said she worries those students will fall behind, while instructional resource teachersare being taken from other classes and dedicated to helping her students or "robbing Peter to pay Paul," as she calls it.

The feeling of guilt, mixed with the frustrations of teaching through budget cuts and a changing system, has left her with a definitiveanswer to the question of whether or not she would start all over as a teacher in Newfoundland and Labrador.

"Emotionally, I would not do it again."