Remembering them: N.L. church holds vigil honouring those lost to suicide

A church in St. John's held a vigil over the weekend to remember those who have died by suicide in Newfoundland and Labrador.

On Sunday, hundreds of friends and families of those lost held a candle lighting at St. Mark's Anglican Church, holding a service, and reading the names of their loved ones. Hundreds more attended virtually from across the country.

Suicide deaths increased by 25 per cent across Newfoundland and Labrador in 2021, according to numbers from the province's chief medical examiner. The suicide rate in the Labrador-Grenfell Health region more than doubled over the same period.

Kim Kelly knows not only about those lost to suicide, but also the impacts on those left behind.

She organized the first vigil following the death of her brother, Brendan, in 2000. While stigma still surroundssuicide deaths, she said, those lost should be remembered for more than how they died.

"Don't let the reason for death, the suicide, define your loved one. And more importantly, don't let it define you, either, right?" said Kelly."A lot of times, people think, 'Oh my gosh we can't focus on the good things they did in life.' Well, you sure can.

"Everyone deserves to be remembered."

They're more than just the way they died

Rev. Robert Cooke, another organizer, says the vigil highlights the importance of helping those who have been impacted by suicide, just as much as honouring those who are no longer with us.

"Sadly, it's still way too common," said Cooke. "We've all heard the talk of mental health crisis in the province, and it seems to be across society. Since COVID, over the last few years we met online, and we developed a slide show of pictures of those who had died by suicide. From last year to this year, we've added over 30 new photos."

More than 180 names were read during the service.

While not all of those people passed away this year, Cooke explained,it illustrated how widespread the issue is, adding that "suicide really affects everybody."

The vigil, in its 18th year, is a way to show support for others experiencing the same grief, which can sometimes be worsened during the holiday season.

"I think that coming together itself is a kind of a light that shines in the darkness," said Cooke. "Especially at this time of the year. Christmas is supposed to be a joyous, celebratory time, but it's not for everybody. So it just makes things that much more difficult for people. The vigil is a way to kind of brighten people's spirits this time of the year."

Cooke, who lost his own father to suicide in 2017, looksat the vigil as one of many ways to help in shiftingsociety's collective thinking aboutsuicide.

"Unfortunately, that's what our religious and cultural baggage that we put on to suicide does," said Cooke. "It drives people into the shadows, and they can't really talk about their loved one or how their loved one died. If we can't talk about our loved ones and start that healing process, you kind of get stuck. We're hoping that this vigil can make it OK to remember and to celebrate the life of the person you've lost."

Cooke had been involved with the vigil before the death of his father, explaining that returning to take part in the aftermath of the tragedy was essential to his personal grieving process.

"It was a time of healing for me," said Cooke. "To be able to gather with other people who had lost loved ones to suicide, to light candles, say their names, pray together and to just be together in the community, the vigil has been very personally healing for me."

As for the comfort the vigil can bring others, Cooke says the goal is to ultimately shape the way society looks at those lost to suicide.

"How they died doesn't really determine the rest of how they lived their lives," said Cooke.

"They're more than just a death by suicide."

Where to get help if you or someone you know is struggling:

Talk Suicide Canada: 1-833-456-4566 (phone) | 45645 (Text, 4 p.m. to midnight ET only)

Kids Help Phone: 1-800-668-6868 (phone), live chat counselling at www.kidshelpphone.ca

Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention:Find a 24-hour crisis centre

Hope for Wellness Helpline: 1-855-242-3310 (phone, available in Cree, Ojibway and Inuktitut upon request)

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