Unpaid caregivers say they are abandoned by family and friends

Two and a half years ago, when Blanche Robinson took onthe role of unpaid caregiver to her 83-year-old father, she says the home care staff assigned to aid with his care werea great support.

The problem, she says, was her own family. They refused to step up, she says, asshe took on the physically and emotionallytaxing role of caring for her father and watch himdecline withdementia, diabetes and mobility problems.

"Once one person steps up to the plate and takes care, well then everybody else kind of disappears," the New Victoria, Cape Breton, woman tells CBC News."'Oh don't worry because so and so's got it covered.' Sad but true."

She's not alone. Caregivers Nova Scotia, an organization designed to help unpaid caregivers, saysstress and social isolation are two of the top negative health outcomes reported by family and friend caregivers.

Robinson recently placed her father in long-term care.It's a decision that broke her heart, she says, especially since her father hates being in the nursing home.

Feelings of guilt

"It makes me upset, obviously," Robinson says. "Who likes to hear their father cry? Not me. Makes me feel guilty.I have no guilt because I've gone beyond the call of duty.

"I've done more than 80 per cent of the population would ever do. Does that stop you from feeling it? No. Never."

In Glace Bay, Richard Young splits his time between caring for his 88-year-old mother, and tending to his daughter, Lindsay, who lives in a long-term care facility after she suffered brain damage in a car accident.

"My whole life revolves around my mother, and taking care of the house and her needs, and my daughter," Young says."I don't have a social life. I'm like most caregivers after a while, you get in this rut or whatever and that's where you stay."

Despite being run ragged, Young sayshe has no plans to put his mother into a nursing home: "I'vespoken to my mother about that sort of thing, and I have a better chance of me going into a nursing home. She isn't going anywhere."

Both Young and Robinson say theybelieve the stress involved with caregiving would be lessened if their families and friends helped out,even in some small way.

"You need an ear, somebody to talk to," said Young."It's kind of embarrassing to say, but you really have no friends anymore. All you have is your home and the hospital. That's all you have."