'We did our best': Canadian veterans of Afghanistan reflect on a year of loss

The rapid and shocking fall of Afghanistan to Taliban forces this summer has forced Canadian soldiers who served and sacrificed there during Canada's 13-year involvement in the conflictto re-confront the meaning of their role in the country.

In April, U.S. President Joe Biden announced American troops would begin leaving Afghanistan in Mayafter a 20-year presence.

By August, the Afghan government had collapsed and Taliban fighters had entered the presidentialpalace in Kabul.

"I was overwhelmed with memories of things I hadn't thought of for a long time," said retired lieutenant-colonel Steve Nolan from hissuburban Ottawa backyard.

Now working as acybersecurity expert,Nolan recalleda conversation he had over tea with an Afghan army colonel at a NATO forward operating base 12 years ago.

The man told the Canadian soldier a parable about a wise old farmer. The farmer took his two sons aside, encouraging one to join the Afghan national army, and the other to join the Taliban.

In this way, the family was guaranteed to be represented on the winning side of the war.The joke caught the young soldier off guard.

"At the time I reallythought he was testing me testing NATO's resolve like, 'How long are you guys really going to be here?'" said Nolan.

WATCH |Afghan veterans reflect on country's fall to Taliban

Afghan veterans reflect on countrys fall to Taliban

3 years ago

Duration 2:00

Retired lieutenant-colonel Steve Nolan and retired colonel Mark Gasparotto, who both served with the Canadian Armed Forces in Afghanistan, say watching the country fall to the Taliban was shocking and surreal.

Complicated feelings

But for Nolan, awarded a Meritorious Service Decoration in 2010, and the 40,000 Canadian men and women who served there, this Remembrance Day brings up complicated feelings.

He said he struggles with the identity of "war veteran,"still finding it easier to recognizethat figure inhis memories of elderly,decorated soldiers he would meetover Royal Canadian Legionclam chowder dinners, when visiting as a newly-enlisted soldier.

He now understands the Afghan officer's parable in a different light.

"Now, reflecting back on it, I realize it's just indicative of the culture,that they've seen so many armies march through and it's earned the nickname 'The Graveyard of Empires' for a very good reason," he said.

In July,Chief of Defence Staff General Wayne Eyre wrote an open letter describing the 'pain and doubt'felt by those who served in Afghanistan, and told veterans of the conflictto "hold their heads high"after Panjwaiifellto the Taliban.

Felt like accomplishments were 'for nought'

Today, retired colonel Mark Gasparottoalso searchesfor new meaning in whathe accomplished in several tours as a combat engineer in Afghanistan.

"I've had almost a decade and a half to process that," said Gasparotto who, in 2010, wroteClearing the Way, the story of the effortsof his battalion to build Ma'Sum Ghar, a NATO base high in the country's southeastern hills.

In the final year of his 20-yearcareer, Gasparotto was military chief ofa United Nations team in Haiti providing security during President Jovenel Mose's election.

On the very same day in July 2021, Ma'sum Gharfell to the Taliban and Jovenel Mosewas assassinated.

"It certainly felt that day that all my accomplishments in uniform were for nought," said Gasparotto.

He said with the passage of time, he has begun to feel lesspersonally crushed by the global events of 2021.

"We did our best to provide the space for a possible future to emerge,and that just didn't pan out," he said.

"You need to learn to struggle well in life, and be grateful for what you have."

As he does every year, Gasparotto will take in the Remembrance Day serviceat "hallowed ground" the Beechwood National Military Cemetery.

"I know many of the people buried there. In some cases, I saw them die."

When the ceremony is over and the crowd has thinned, he and friends will likely share memories and a toast of whisky with the fallen.