P.E.I. couple who used medically assisted dying 'went out on their own terms,' says family

The obituary last week may have caught some people's attention: Bob Wilson, 71, and his wife Margi, 73, died on the same day, May 25,at Charlottetown's Queen Elizabeth Hospital.

They planned it that way.

"They went out on their own terms," said their son Scott Wilson, sitting beside his sister NicolleHogan in her sunny kitchen in Cumberland, overlooking the sparkling Northumberland Strait.

The doctors told the Wilsons' three children they would be the first couple in P.E.I. to use medical assistance in dying (MAID) at the same time.

Although their parents handled their deaths privately, Scott and Nicolleagreed to talk to CBCNews about it to celebrate their parents' braveryand to try to reduce any stigma around MAID.

'Loved each other immensely'

Bob and Margi Wilsonwere lifelong partners, "the love of each other'slife," said Scott.They met at Prince of Wales College (now Holland College) in Charlottetownand married 50 years ago.

"Just a cute, beautiful couple that loved each other immensely ... they lived a really good life," Scott said. They were never apart.

Bobwas a solid, happy man, working first with his mother and then Margiat their real estate business. After Bob retired, the couplecame to live with Nicolle and her family.

Margiworked alongside her husband at his business, but had suffered from the pain of multiple sclerosis for the last30 years. Early on, it put her in a wheelchair, but when her grandchildren were born, she ralliedand became very active, even walking several half-marathons.

In August 2019, Bob was diagnosed with Stage 4 kidney cancer that had spread to his lungs.

Bob was determined to fight it and stick around as long as possible. He tried many different therapies, and he'dactually had some positive news that his cancer had stopped growingwhen Margi's MS flared up and put her in the hospital this past February. She didn't come home after that.

Mutual care

The couple had been trying to look after one another, but theybecame run down and frail. They weren't able to winter inAlabama thelast two yearsbecause of Bob's illness. The warm climate had helped Margi feel better.

In hospital, Margi continued to go downhill. She didn't feel like eating or drinking much, and her weight plummeted.In mid-March, Margitold her family she was ready to die, and would do so naturally and that they shouldn't try to revive her if the time came.

"She was just sick and tired of being sick and tired," Scott said. "It's a big shock to be told, 'I don't want to live anymore because my life is so miserable.'"

The family decided they needed to support their mother in her decision.

"You might not personally like the decision, but from usit's a selfish side that you don't want them to go and leave," Scott said.

"It wasn't about us anymore," saidNicolle.

Their father was also shocked, they said.

"I justremember seeing his face. When he heard the news, his heart it was broken," Scottsaid. "The love of his life was giving up."

'He wanted to go with his love'

At the hospital, as the family was talking about options including nursing care, Nicolle heard about MAID. She mentioned it to her mother.

"We are definitely a family that is always about looking at,what are all of our options? Let's explore all of our options," Nicolle said.

Margi told the family she'd like to choose assisted dying.Bob got all the assessments he needed if he also decided to chooseassisted dying, buthe didn't make a decision until May 7.

He'd become increasingly frail, unsteady on his feet and lackedanappetite. His pain was unbearable.He decided he and Margiwould take their final milestone as a couple: an assisted death, together.

As they didin life, they would do this final step together. Scott Wilson

"He wanted to go with his love," Scott said. "The pain of not going with her would have broken him."

The hospital bed next to Margi was available, so it became Bob's. Scott and Nicolle'sbrother Tony was permitted to travel from his home in Brooklyn, N.Y.,to P.E.I. on compassionate grounds.

Scott and Nicolle said doctors checked in with the couple often tomake sure they hadn't changed their minds.

In the last weeks,the grandchildren gathered in their grandparents' room to keep them company, doing crafts and playing music. They reminisced about fun times the close-knit family had spent together. Nothing went unsaid.

"It was bittersweet," Scott said of the scene.

"I joked withmy mom, I said it's almost Romeo and Juliet without the poison," Scott said. "We use humour in our family as a coping mechanism. In a way, there was somewhat of a relief that a decision had been made, because it was very up and down."

Watching the clock

Margilost consciousness in the days before, and the family thought she might die naturally before the agreed-upondate. They kept a vigil around the clock, with one or more of the three children always in the room with Bob and Margi for the week before they died.

Nicolleand Tony stayed awake most of the nighton May 24 and into the early hours of the next day, watching the clock and countingdown the hours theyhad left with their parents. "We were just left with our own thoughts and emotions," she said.

At 7 a.m. on May 25,doctors came into the room for a final check. They took the family toa different room, away from theirparents, and briefed them on the procedure.

Even though Margi wasn't able to verbally consent,recent changes to the assisted dying law made it possible for doctors to carry out her wishes. Bob indicated to the doctors that he wanted to go through with it, too.

"He was committed that, as they didin life, they would do this final step together," Scott said. "They were both terminal there was no coming out of the situation."

They pushed the couple's beds together so they couldbe close.

Nicolle held her father's hand and they said "I love you" to one another.

First, doctors gave the coupleinjections that put them to sleep. After Bob was snoring peacefully, doctors gave them both a series of further injections over about 10 minutes.

They died together, peacefully.

"You could just see the weight of all the pain and the suffering was gone," said Scott.

'Really proud of my parents'

Nicolle said she wants people who are terminally ill to be aware that "options do exist" and they should be informed of all choices available to them.

"Knowthat the option is available, if you so choose," she said. "My message is really look at the quality of life and remember those happy times and think of what's right for you as an individual rather than everybody else around you.

"There shouldn't be any judgment," she added.

Scottsaid he wanted to share his parents' journey because he is immensely proud of them.

"I'm really proud of my parents and the hard decision they had to make that takes a lot of guts," he said.

The family is still in mourning and say they will have to adjust to all the "firsts" without their parents.

Nicolle's house is quiet without Bob and Margi living downstairs. Shegrips tightlythe crocheted heart her father heldas he died.

"I do sleep with it sometimes," she said. "It's comfort."

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