How to be a good ally during Pride, and anytime

The P.E.I. Pride Festival kicked off this week and with rainbow flags and other paraphernalia everywhere, some people may wonder the best and most respectfulways to support the LGBTQ community if they're not part of that group.

Daniel Boudreauis now the head ofPflag on P.E.I. (formerlyParents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays),a group that provides support toparents, friends and others with someone in their lives who identifies asLGBTQ.

He says when hegraduated from Holland College 10 years ago, there wasn't much support for the LGBTQ community on P.E.I.

"I was like OK, this is P.E.I. I don't know ifI can be who I am here and feel safe and welcome,"Boudreausaid. He moved to Toronto, returningin a few years.

Those wanting to be an ally to the LGBTQ communityshould know about the history of Pride, Boudreau said. Boudreau said allies should know that the first Pride march was a protest and how the Stonewall riots in New York set off the modern LGBTQ rights movement.

Know some Pride history

Some allies may be members of the LGBTQ community who are not yet out Boudreau said he started his advocacy for LGBTQ rights as an ally before he came out as gay publicly.

"I didn't want to put myself out there to be made fun of or anything like that," he said.

Boudreau said it is important for allies to stand with and show up formembers of the LGBTQ community in vulnerable times, since there is strength in numbers.

"It's much easier to work together and say'This is wrong, we're not going to take this, we're going to stand together and fight.'"

Be wary of commercialization

Boudreausaid he tends to be wary of big corporations claiming to be allies. When Pride month rolls around, he notes his Twitter timeline becomes "awashed with rainbows."

The commercialization of the movement is something people shouldactively question, he said.

"Do these huge international corporations actually do anything for the queer community on a day-to-day basisor is it something they are just doing for Pride month to get business?" Boudreau asked.

He said he has witnessed corporations jump on the bandwagon in many citiesand as an openly gay man it has made him feel used.

Boudreau said he now asks companies directlyif they are donating to Pride efforts.

"I feel that if we are going to be continually talking about something like this we need to see actions instead of just talk," Boudreau said.

There are allies online

Another place Boudreau has found allies is online, notingthere are YouTubepersonalitiesdedicated to supporting theLGBTQ community.

"The queer youth who may be on the verge of suicidethat are at home and may not have supportive parents, may not have supportive allies and friends at school these are saviours, they really are."

Listen, don't judge

Rebekah Condon also moved away from P.E.I.after graduatingfrom Holland College's youth worker program in the mid-90s. She worked in Torontowith at-risk youth and said she sawfirsthand some of the strugglesof youngLGBTQ people.

"I would like to say I have always been an ally, I think understanding what the word ally means is something I've come into,"Condon said.

Condonsaid she saw marginalized andaddictedyouth on the street, "many of whom were queerand some of whom were trans and some of whom were discovering firsthand they were HIV-positive."

Condon is now the executive director of PEERS Alliance, previously AIDS P.E.I., whichsupports those living with, and at risk for, HIV and all sexually-transmitted infections by offeringprograms and services.

Condon said she learned more from those young people in Toronto than she taught them, and it was through that work she discovered what it means to be an ally.

"It was about letting them be themselves in a safe space, it was about just listening. It was about not judging."

Ask about pronouns

Condon said being an ally is just about letting people in the LGBTQ community "be."She said she doesn't know everything about the LGBTQ community even though she works for an organization advocating on its behalf.

"I think safety and listening and asking questions are kind of the biggest parts of it. We don't know what we don't know, and it is okay to ask and not know," Condon said.

If you'reconfused with things such as gender pronouns if people would prefer to be called he or she she advises you should just ask.

"I ask, and that is how we learn."

Sometimes peopleget very fixated on gender, Condon said.

"It's all about asking questions and making sure people feel comfortable and safe. That's, again, as an ally what we need to get better at."

Safety is key

Making members of the LGBTQ community feel safe is important, Condon said especially in the communities they live in.

Boudreau said the recent decision by Alberton council to not raise the flag in the community because a few people might be upset "really missed the mark."

"Putting a Pride flag up in a community is giving that OK to the queer community that this is a safe space, this is a welcoming community for me to stay here."

Without seeing that representation and visibility, the people in the queer community do not feel welcome and want to leave, Boudreau said.

It emotes the same unwelcome feelings he had when he moved to Toronto.

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