Talking about death can bring clarity to end-of-life issues and leaving behind a legacy

When death is looming ahead of them, some people's minds may not turn to the immediate practicalities of funeral or burial arrangements, but on stocking the freezer, fixing up the fence or otherwise looking after their loved oneseven from beyond the grave.

I think there's a lot of really high expectations of us these days to perform extremely well and it's very stressful to think you have to even do that after death.- Candy Josephson, death doula

Candy Josephson, a death doula from Regina, feels that movies like P.S. I Love You or stories seen in social media may heighten this feeling of needing to speak to loved ones even after death. One father she'd heard of had his daughter sent flowers for her birthday for the six years following his death, leading up to her 21st birthday.

"I think there's a lot of really high expectations of us these days to perform extremely well and it's very stressful to think you have to even do that after death," she saidin an interview with Blue Sky host Garth Materie.

"We really have more pressure, I think, to speak into the future."

'Our body's way of looking after ourselves'

Josephson says that when people are told their death is imminent, she feels like the body can go into shock and that people may try to cope with the news by focusing on the immediate things they might need to do.

"It's not as difficult to maybe arrange for flowers as it might be to envision the pain further on in life," she says. "You get focused on something you can cope with; it's our body's way of looking after ourselves."

Josephson's advice is for people to have conversations with their loved ones about death in advance, to talk about their wants and needs.

Sometimes, a family may feel and express that it is more important to spend time together, while other times, that conversation may lead to the person facing death to express they want to make sure certain things are taken care of, whether that's repairs to the house or stocking the deep freezer.

For Josephson, it's important for family members to listen when having these conversations.

Helping follow through on wishes

"If it's that they want to make perogies, well, go buy the supplies and help pinch perogies. If they want to write letters or send messages, help them videotape or put it on audiotape, and do what they need to have done," she says.

"If it's realistic, help them follow through on what their wishes are."

That is partly the role of a death doula as well, Josephson says, explaining death doulas try and help people make conscious decisions about death. They may talk to people about whether they want their death to take place in a hospital or at home, surrounded by professionals or by loved ones, down to envisioning what scents they may want to surround them, or to the view they see out of the window in their final days.

Death doulas may also help with what Josephson calls "legacy work" and helping people choose how they want to be remembered.

Often, death is a frightening spectre, treated as a dark, unmentionable thing that people try to skirt around, but Josephson says death doulas try to bring light to this passage in life, which she notes that families can be a part of doing as well.

"We try to take the fear out of it and make it beautiful, allowing people to die peacefully and with a sense of completion and a sense they've made a good mark on the world."