'My brain has seen enough trauma': Man leaves firefighting for new calling teaching PTSD symptoms

A Saskatchewan man and his son are hopping on their snowmobiles and making the rounds to different fire departments around the province to share their family's struggle with post-traumatic stress disorder.

Erik Foster, a volunteer firefighter specially trained in vehicle extrications, used to respond to nearly every call that went out to the firehall in his community of Colonsay, a town just outside of Saskatoon.

He used to spend a lot of time snowmobiling too, always connected to a tight-knit group of snowmobilers in the province and using his booming voice to announce over the mic at local motocross shows.

For nearly a decade, Foster went out to about 30 firefighting calls a year thinking that he could handle it all.

But each scene he saw left imprints on him, little traumatic pictures in his brain.

And then two years ago he got called to a scene that he couldn't shake. All of his routines came to a halt.

Only recently have Foster and his family been able to find the light in the dark times that came over the past two years and plan a one-week snowmobile trek from Colonsay to Prince Albert and back called "Ride to Survive."

Starting Monday and ending on Sunday, Foster and his 15-year-old son Kaine will talk to first responders in more than a dozen communities in central Saskatchewan.

Post-traumatic stress disorder comes to the surface

Foster doesn't like to talk about the nature of the fire response call that triggered him two years ago because he doesn't want to involve the families connected to what happened.

Afterwards, though, he couldn't sleep. He couldn't regulate his emotions: he found himself crying or laughing at inappropriate times. For two months he retreated into his bedroom, neglecting food and water and crying constantly.

"I was feeling less of a man. I was feeling not only was I letting down my fire department but my community, my family," Foster said.

Those were the symptoms. The cause was those little pictures in his head.

"We've all had a nightmare before. We've woken up from that nightmare," Foster explained.

"I, with PTSD lived that for a year and a half 24 hours a day. That nightmare was real."

Support from his family and a persistent friend who called him almost daily to remind Foster that he was loved helped him to get out of the house and seek treatment.

"If you've got someone dealing with something, keep making the call. If you care, and you really really want help for them, keep making that call. Don't stop," he said in a video he posted on Facebook recently.

A family affair

Foster was diagnosed with PTSD and has been steadily committed to treatment for the past year and a half, but still says that it's only in the past four months that he's been able to sleep normally.

Through worker's compensation, not only has Foster been able to get therapy but so has his family. In particular, he said his 15-year-old son Kaine is learning about the importance of opening up and about the supports available to people who want to get a handle on their mental health struggles.

While going through an experimental treatment in British Columbia, Foster met military personnel, firefighters, paramedics and police officers who made him realize the unique understanding people in their lines of work have between each other.

He had a lightbulb moment why not use that special connection he has with "the fellow brothers and sisters in the fire department" and his experience as a public speaker to open up a conversation about PTSD?

"I'm not ashamed of this PTSD. And I've learned a lot from it and I really want to share that with a lot of people. I really really feel that's it very, very important," he said.

Part of his motivation is knowing that first responders want to help people but are scared of knowing how their work can end up impacting them in a negative way.

Foster is getting closer to his boisterous old self. Over the weekend he announced the motocross portion of a monster truck show in Saskatoon.

Despite his confident on-mic persona, he said panic attacks and flashbacks are a part of his day to day.

Planning the snowmobile trek with his son after struggling to get back out on the snow for the past few years has brought a lot of emotions to the surface, but Foster said tackling new tasks makes him more successful in his recovery from PTSD.

"My brain has seen enough trauma. It's time now for me to move on from that," he said.

"It's gonna be an emotional ride."

Know the symptoms:

• Physical - chest pain, fatigue, chills, grinding teeth
• Psychological - hyper-vigilance, confusion, nightmare
• Behavioral- withdrawal, inability to rest, change in social activity
• Emotional - fear, anxiety, guilt, panic