The comfort of strangers: how a British family kept a slain Canadian airman's memory alive

As a child in the late 1940s, John Charlesworth would run through the military cemetery in Harrogate, a quiet, tidy community on the edge of the windswept dales of Yorkshire taking careto avoid thefresh mounds of earth that seemed to cover every Englishgraveyardin those early post-war years.

"My grandmother used to say to run on and find the grave, which I did," said Charlesworth, now 77 and retired.

"I could always go straight to it. And of course, I was told that there was somebody sleeping in there and he was very brave. And of course, as a child I quite accepted that."

With the tender abandon of a child, he would place his hand on the gravestone an unconscious expression of affection that, for him, has evolved overthe years into a reliableritual.

"I always put my hand on, like patting him on the back," he told CBC News from his home in Harrogate.

"It was a form of duty in a sense, and out of respect for our ancestors and not to forget them.Cemeteries, some people find them very morbid and are frightened of them. I never did."

The grave Charlesworth visitedas a child, andhas continued to visit for 73 yearssince,belongs to a total stranger not a relative.

It belongs to a fallenCanadian airman:Flight-Sgt. Maurice Durlingof Nova Scotia, a bombardier and member of 153 Royal Air Force Squadron. Hewas part of aLancaster bomber crew that conductednight raids deep into the heart of the Third Reich.

Late on the night of Jan. 2, 1945, Durlingand his fellow crew members were returningfrom a massive 500-plane mission over Nuremberg, Germanywhen theiraircraftcollided with another Lancaster while waiting for permission to land.

Both bombers plummeted in flames to the groundoutside of Sudbrooke, Lincolnshire. There were no survivors.

Durling, 22, was buried in the Stonefall Commonwealth War Graves Commission cemetery in Harrogate, about 140 kilometres from the crash site.

The story might have ended there had it not beenfor apostwar program that encouraged Britishresidentsto adopt thegravesof Canadian, Australian, New Zealand and other Commonwealth service members.

The programwas sponsored by the Royal British Legion and facilitated by the Commonwealth War Graves Commission.Mary Charlesworth, John's grandmother, signed up.

She may have beeninspired by the fact thatDurling was a Canadian aircrew member likeher son-in-law, who survived the war. She may also havebeen driven by asense of good fortune:her ownson, a paratrooper, had narrowly escaped death in the 1944 Battle of Arnhem.

In 1947, she made contact with the Durling family, which had immigrated to the United Statesfor work a few years before. She assured them in a letter that their son would not be forgottenand, in doing so, struck up a bond that would last for the rest of her life.

Every year, Maurice Durling's mother would send money to Mary and askthat yellow roses be placed on her son's grave on his birthday and at Christmas.

The two families remained in touch over the years. At one point in the 1950s, JohnCharlesworth said, the Durlings even visited Harrogate and paid their respects in person.

Mary died in 1989, just 10 minutes shy of her 90th birthday. Ever since,John Charlesworthhasstuck to the routine he and his grandmother created.

Once a month, after paying his respects to his grandparents and great-grandparents, he wanders over to visitDurling's grave in the separate military cemetery. The visits have become more frequent since his retirement, and as his own lifelong friends have started to pass away.

"He was a part of the family, just the same as my relatives," Charlesworth said of Durling.

His visits might have remained an obscure and private remnantof the post-war years,had it not been forthe curiosity of Elizabeth Smithof the Commonwealth War Graves Commission, who quite by accident stumbled across reference to the adopt-a-grave program in the institution's archive.

She and many of her colleagues had no idea the programexisted. Through ads, the commissionsought out individuals who could remember taking part. That's how she came across John Charlesworth.

WATCH:Elizabeth Smith on war graves

"I feel like they're my boys"

4 years ago

Duration 0:43

Elizabeth Smith of the Commonwealth War Graves Commission describes her attachment to the young men who didn't go home from war.

"I think John's story is possibly unique," Smith toldCBC News."It really is incredible that he has kept that promise that his grandmother made all those years ago to honour this serviceman."

She said that, every time she visits a war cemetery, she's struck by theages etched on the tombstones commemorating the lives of young men who never got any older. She said she can'thelpthinking abouthow she would feel if it were her child buried half a world away.

"I feel that link with them,"she said wiping away a tear. "I feel like they're my boys."

Charlesworthis the first to admit he's not verytech-savvy, but he has spent hours researching the young man who died in 1945. One detail continued to elude him, however whether any members of the late airman's family were still alive, and whether they would be comforted to know that someone was visiting his grave.

It took severaldaysforCBC News producer Max Paris totrackdown Donna Denham, 80, Maurice Durling's niece, who lives in Rancho Mirage, California.

The two met last week via FaceTime, asDenham poredovera stack of letters and photos the family had tucked away for years.

"I guess I'm the one in the family. I'm the archivist of the family," Denham told Charlesworth.

Denhamsaid she vaguely recalls meeting her uncle when she was a child but the pain the family suffered over his loss was a more durable memory.

During the call, she read out a letter that Mary Charlesworth sent to her grandmother Maurice's mother in 1947, assuring herthat the grave would alwaysbe looked after.

WATCH:Donna Denhamreads a letter from Mary Charlesworth

A letter from one soldier's mother to another

4 years ago

Duration 1:40

Donna Denham reads a 1947 letter from John Charlesworth's grandmother to her grandmother and grandfather.

"That was just like my grandmother talking," Charlesworth said. "That was very moving, to be honest. To hear that letter, you know, after all these years, they still kept it, the letter."

Almost a lifetime's worth of reflections poured out of him during the virtual meeting, but in the end Charlesworth hadonly onething he reallywanted to say: "It was important to me just to let you know,or a relative know, that he's not forgotten."

Denhamsaid she was deeplytouched.

"I was very appreciative to be able to speak with him because of my grandparents and my mother,and Maurice's other sister,were always so grateful that there was somebody there to remember their son and their brother," she said.

ButCharlesworth is getting on in years. He hasno children, noother close relatives no one to carry on the visits.

WATCH | John Charlesworth tends grave of Canadian airman:

British man has tended the grave of Canadian airman for 70 years

4 years ago

Duration 3:04

For more than 70 years, a British family, and one member in particular, has tended the grave of a Canadian airman, who was killed when his plane crashed flying back from a bombing raid in Germany.

"I'm hopeful that someone will come forward, and maybe not specifically for my uncle's grave, but others too," Denhamsaid.

Charlesworthdoesn't drive these days. Hetakes the busto the cemetery,or walks. He said he'll keep upthe visitsas long as he can. It's what his grandmother wanted, after all.

"While I'm physically fit, as long as I possibly can, I'll regularly go down and carry on what my grandmother did.

"She took it very seriously. She was a strong-willed woman, you know."

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