I Can Be a Dad and My Daughter’s Best Friend I Owe Her That Much As An Only Child

No one sees me like my daughter does.

She sees the good and the bad. She sees the beauty and the ugliness. She sees the grace and the sloppiness. She can tell when I'm right and when I am wrong.

My daughter does not just see me, she can see right through me.

We have been alone together so much, for so long, that I often wonder what I would be, were she not there.

Sabrina Boileau may have been young when she became a first-time mother, but her goal is to not lean on being the "cool mom."

A Rocky Start

When my daughter was born, it was a little complicated.

For a few dark moments during the delivery I thought I might lose my wife and daughter. For weeks after, my mind roiled with the trauma. In that time I made two very clear promises to no one but myself: I would cherish every moment with them and I could not do that again. As such, she would be an only child.

But beyond the early trauma, it was clear just how alive my daughter was. From the very instant she could walk, all she wanted to do was play. At the park she would scream-laugh playing with kids until she would get so tired and start crying.

"When the day finally arrived, I looked at the scene, and it wasn't an excited bunch."

When my daughter got wind of what kindergarten would be like, she could not wait. But it wasn't that way for every kid, as you might expect.

When the day finally arrived, I looked at the scene, and it wasn't an excited bunch. My daughter excepted. In fact, it looked like someone had just cancelled a Paw Patrol meet and greet. Kids were crying and screaming; parents were pleading for understanding.

We even saw one of our friends from the community centre holding on to the fence red-faced, refusing to go in. 

A Tiny Voice of Reason

Amidst the chaos, my daughter reached to grab her friend's free hand: “Come on, it will be fun,” she said.

Although reluctant, her friend grasped my daughter's hand and her mother looked visibly relieved.  

For years, all she wanted to do was go to school to be with her friends.

Then the lockdowns came. School shut down, no more concerts, no more swimming, no more friends. Just her and I.

Small Space, Big Attention

It was like the old days when we used to spend all day together. Except she didn't take naps anymore, couldn't go to the park or the community centre and had developed a pretty good talent for refuting everything I said.

I had pledged many years ago that I would cherish every second I would have with my daughter. When I made the pledge I never thought that would include spending every waking hour with her for two years straight!

Our house is not big. It's smaller than most people's apartments, the common area is not much larger than a garage. I'm not sure I ever really realized how much I valued privacy more than the last couple years. I never realized how hard it is to try to write meaningful words when someone is right beside me all day long.

The Only Lonely

As Canadians we are seeing an extraordinarily low birth rate. The one-child family is becoming a norm and not an exception. If it wasn't for a steady stream of immigrants filling our demographics, our country would be in serious trouble.

At a talk titled Empty Earth: Preparing for the Global Population Decline, Darrell Bricker and John Ibbitson describe a possible reason:

“People are making the decision to have children as a lifestyle choice in order to bring fulfillment ... most people find they are very quickly fulfilled, one or two is usually enough.”

In Canada the fertility rate in 2020 was roughly 1.5. 

"She tells me that she wishes she had brothers and sisters and that she will not make the same mistake when she grows up."

I mention this because I can see the loneliness in my daughter's eyes.

She tells me that she wishes she had brothers and sisters and that she will not make the same mistake when she grows up.

I am glad to hear it. I never thought I would be emotionally and financially responsible enough to have more children. It turned out I was wrong. But it's too late now and all I can do is regret it.

As such, I feel that it is my duty to be my daughter's best friend.

More Than a Dad

The way I see it, I have to be there for my daughter in any way that she needs.

If it means securing Fortnite: Battle Royale victories, then I learn how to pop 90s.

If we're skateboarding, then I'm learning how to drive 180s.

Don't get me wrong, I understand that I still have to be the parent in the relationship. I can still get mad and discipline, yet not ruin a day. In the end she brings me more joy than I ever hoped I would feel, and I just hope I can be there for her as she needs me.

Despite what some may think, I know I can be both: Dad and friend. 

It's the least I can do. It was my choice to leave her without anyone to play with, not hers.

Jennifer Cox knows a thing or two about how lonely it can be for an only child. But it's hard to be lonely in a full house.

How It's Going

Most of the time it's easy. We are so similar in so many ways, I can simply count the days until she can best me in everything we do.

She keeps me in line like no other person I have ever met. There is no hiding from her and there are no lies I can tell her that she will believe. And when I set a rule, she will not let me back out on it. 

It can be hard to be laid bare before someone but I try to remember that I am nothing. I am but a link in a genetic chain that stretches out so far out in front of me and so far behind me that I feel meaningless. That's why, in the end, I want to be nothing more than what she sees me as. For I know a time will come when the roles are reversed.

One day my ancient body will infest her home. A time will come when I will be a great burden to her and her family. I know that in those days she will look back on these times and judge me accordingly.

I look forward to reaping what I sow. Until then, I will do whatever I can to make sure we stay best friends.