My 15-Year-Old Doesn’t Want Anything For Christmas

There is no Christmas list this year.

My son is 15, and doesn't want a thing.

That’s not because he is worried about others spending money on him, or because he has requested an experience or donations to a charitable cause. It’s simply because in this moment of his life, he can’t think of a single thing he would like to receive.

And I can’t think of one to gift him, either.

That’s thrown me, because I pride myself on creativity and resourcefulness when it comes to gift giving. In the past, I feel that I have sourced some interesting, sometimes even great, gift ideas for my kids.

But this year, nothing.

Often there is a pressure to buy gifts for everyone over the holidays. Brianna Bell would like that to change.

Everything at his Fingertips

My son likes listening to music. A lot.

But we have Spotify, so every song he could possibly want to hear is available at his fingertips.

He also enjoys watching the odd TV show or movie that is trending with his friends.

But with our plethora of streaming services courtesy of the pandemic, he can access any title he wishes immediately.

Clothes? Also a bust. He has what I call a uniform — black T-shirt and jeans — that he wears almost daily. And he’s all stocked up on those items. There aren’t a lot of accessories or self care products this teen is into, other than gum and the occasional jar of hair paste. And really, how far does that go in holiday gift giving?

Iffy on Experiences

Previously, we leaned hard on experiences to make gift giving special, from travel to concerts and interactive exhibits.

That’s more difficult to do now that there is a greater gap in interests between a teen and his tween sister, not to mention the adults who are off in their own hemisphere of musical and artistic tastes.

Travel has always been an interest, but we’re all still not comfortable with that, not to mention coordinating new school schedules and time off.

And when I even dare suggest a virtual experience, I get the cold shoulder — these kids have had enough pivoting to online to last a lifetime (although they remain solidly attached to their screens for other reasons).

They do not wish for an extension of their virtual selves into the entertainment world, and I’m not sending my teen off to an in-person concert in the city quite yet.

Enough

This time of my teen’s life has caused me to reflect on the concept of “enough.”

When we have enough, our perspective shifts.

It is no longer about longing for the next thing, the one bigger, better or flashier. It is about reaching a moment of stasis and holding there, exploring what it is like to not be longing for something. With basic needs met, and a quelling of desires for material goods, the opportunity for introspection opens.

This is not necessarily a conversation I am going to have with my teen. I’m not going to examine what it’s like to reach a point in time when there aren’t a lot of desires or wants, because as a teen, he still has those: for freedom, different experiences away from his family and unlimited mornings to sleep in, of course.

No, this teachable moment is more for myself, and exploring what it’s like when the peaks and valleys of big events and sizable purchases in life start to smooth out.

Wants VS Needs

I’ve already noticed how my parents no longer want or need items.

That’s been a common refrain for years — how to buy for parents that have everything already and don’t want more stuff.

They’ve certainly approached the “enough” stages of their lives, so consumables and the odd appropriate experience make do.

My partner and I have reached this stage as well.

We have already discussed not buying Christmas gifts for each other this year (for real this time — not sneaking in gifts because we feel guilty about the lack of a ribbon-wrapped parcel under the tree this year).

When we truly examined what we had, and what we wanted, the desires fell into the category of working less and obtaining financial freedom sooner, or at least saving for a trip again one day.

That makes it easier to enjoy our “enough” stage and not fall into consumerism to allay guilt around the holidays. We aren’t gifting each other anything this year, full stop. And with a few more years of this attitude, we might be able to retire a year or so earlier.

If you are struggling to give something to grandparents who have everything, perhaps try these handprint keepsakes.

The Gifting Conundrum

Back to the dilemma of what to gift my son this year, and how to fill a stocking.

He’s not at the mid-life “enough” appreciation stage. Early retirement or financial planning is not a concept I would dream of broaching on Christmas morning (it’s challenging to wrap up an RESP contribution).

So in spite of my attempt to move away from consumerism, I was overjoyed when he finally mentioned that he would love a portable battery pack for his phone. That, along with a stocking full of gum and a year’s worth of lunch funds at Tim Horton’s and Skip the Dishes, are starters, at least, so it doesn’t feel like a very Grinchy holiday season this year.

I’m left to continue to consider the concept of just being.

I’m continuing to examine where my longings lie on the spectrum of material goods and more elusive concepts of freedom from the ties of possessions. My son’s stage of having pretty much everything he needs to pursue his life and passions has certainly prompted me to consider what drives my purchases, and how I can let go of those patterns, and instead be confident in my choices.

I’ll be mulling over this life plan even as I sip a mulled cider this festive season.