For Fort McMurray veteran, the best medicine for his PTSD are his fellow soldiers
'You are not alone. There's tons of people who have gone through similar experiences'
Andrew Gorman saw and heard things in Afghanistan that he will never forget.
Gun battles and carnage after improvised explosive devices have left Gorman, a corporal in the Princess Patricia's Canadian Light Infantry, with deep emotional scars.
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Diagnosed with PTSD when Gorman returned from duty in 2006, the 35-year-old soughtcounselling but it didn't help.
"I still had a lot of issues," said Gorman. "I just wouldn't click with psychologists."
Soon, Gorman started confiding in the other service members and begana support group in Fort McMurray, where he now lives. Only then did the begin healing.
'An ambush'
There are two days that are the most difficult for Gorman: Remembrance Day, and Aug. 3, the anniversary of a traumatic 2006Afghanistan mission.
The mission was to secure a Taliban-held compound in the Panjwayi district. Years later,Gorman still suffers from the guilt that he escaped and four others didn't.
One of the vehicles in the convoy hit an improvised explosive device en route, killing the driver, he told CBCrecently.
As the mission progressed, Gorman and his team on foot fired on, first with a hail of bullets, then a rocket-propelled grenade.
"It was an ambush," Gorman said. "We started taking fire from one direction. Then pretty much it came from all directions."
Two years after Gorman returned to Canada, he moved to Fort McMurray to work in the oilsandsin 2008.
But then his life began to spiral out of control.
"I started wondering why I was having all of these issues such as nightmares, hyper alertness, anxiety and reclusiveness," Gorman said.
Unable to sleep, Gorman began "self-medicating" with alcohol.
Several of the psychologists thatGorman met with urged him to try meditation, but it wasadvice he struggled to take seriously.
"Coming directly from the field from Afghanistan when somebody tells you, 'You need to breathe,' you look at them and say, 'This is ridiculous,'" he said.
Hitting rock bottom
Gorman hit rock bottom in 2016and attempted suicide.
Reluctantly, he decided to give therapy another try.
He was one of the first to enrol in a five and a half day program led by, and for, combat veterans through theProject Trauma Support group.
"You automatically had the bond," Gorman said. "They went through the same experiences and understood where you are coming from."
Although the treatment was peer-based, the sessionswere led by psychologists who were also veterans themselves.
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Building upon that experience,Gorman started a similar peer support group in Fort McMurray.
The group became instrumental in Gorman'scontinued recovery. It has also helped about six other veterans and first responders. The group meets every Thursday evening at the Unifor building in downtown Fort McMurray.
"I decided to take my experience and put it out in the world," Gorman said. "So others know they weren't the only ones dealing with this kind of thing."
The group gets support from the Fort McMurray Legion.Its president, Pat Duggan, said it can be tough to get hardened service personnel who work in an oil-town to share their struggles.
"Everyone's gotta be tough and move on," Duggan said. "That kind of attitude still permeates."
Finding strength in others
Gorman said peer-to-peer groups like hisallow attendees to breakdown their so-called macho exterior and open up.
Now, Gorman said, he is the one encouragingmembers to do morning and evening meditation.
This Remembrance Day,Gorman urges other veterans to persevere in getting help and not to give up if the first or second counsellor didn't work out.
And don't forget to lean on each other, he said.
"The biggest thing I want to get out is that you are not alone. There's tons of people who have gone through similar experiences," Gorman said. "There's no shame in anything that you are feeling."
Gormansaid veterans or first responderswho need help should reach out to their local Legion or get in contact with him through theProjectTrauma Support website.
Connect with David Thurton, CBC'sFort McMurraycorrespondent, onFacebook,Twitter,LinkedInor email him atdavid.thurton@cbc.ca
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