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Posted: 2020-07-06T00:01:12Z | Updated: 2020-07-06T00:01:12Z

Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips via Twitter from parents to spread the joy.

Scroll down to read the latest batch.

Self-confidence is my four year old asking me to turn off the ceiling fan so he can show me how high he jumps.

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Self-confidence is my four year old asking me to turn off the ceiling fan so he can show me how high he jumps.

Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) July 1, 2020

\"Sorry I don't make the rules\" I say blatantly lying to my child about a rule I just made up.

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"Sorry I don't make the rules" I say blatantly lying to my child about a rule I just made up.

Avocado Mama (@HeatherStenwall) July 2, 2020

Lets get married and have kids so instead of relaxing on the beach you can keep sand out of their mouth while I blow up a raft and they ask if there is a pool.

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Lets get married and have kids so instead of relaxing on the beach you can keep sand out of their mouth while I blow up a raft and they ask if there is a pool.

Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 1, 2020

A surprising amount of parenting is bribing your kids with things you dont want to do, then breathing a sigh of relief when they mess it up so you dont have to deliver.

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A surprising amount of parenting is bribing your kids with things you dont want to do, then breathing a sigh of relief when they mess it up so you dont have to deliver.

Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) June 28, 2020

After ten do you tell your child to go to sleep or do you scream it

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After ten do you tell your child to go to sleep or do you scream it

WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) July 2, 2020

Hmmm, I guess Ill have that

- My 10yo after I told him what I was making for dinner like hes got a choice in the matter

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Hmmm, I guess Ill have that

- My 10yo after I told him what I was making for dinner like hes got a choice in the matter

Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) July 2, 2020

If you want to know what you really look like hand your phone to a 5-year-old to take a picture.

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If you want to know what you really look like hand your phone to a 5-year-old to take a picture.

mark (@TheCatWhisprer) June 29, 2020

3-year-old: mama why do people get married?
Me: well, when two people love each other very much it can be a good thing to do for tax purposes.

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3-year-old: mama why do people get married?
Me: well, when two people love each other very much it can be a good thing to do for tax purposes.

Felicia Day (@feliciaday) July 1, 2020

No one warned me how much of parenting is sitting quietly with your stomach in your throat, watching your toddler literally jump from new heights and try new risky things

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No one warned me how much of parenting is sitting quietly with your stomach in your throat, watching your toddler literally jump from new heights and try new risky things

Not Another Pinterest Mom (@snarkymomtobe) July 2, 2020

A dark day for parents is when their child learns what \"hypocrite\" means.

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A dark day for parents is when their child learns what "hypocrite" means.

Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) June 29, 2020

Walking at nine months. Scamming at ten months. Our baby girl (: @postracialist) pic.twitter.com/xJcRqvU0Jf

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Walking at nine months. Scamming at ten months. Our baby girl (: @postracialist ) pic.twitter.com/xJcRqvU0Jf

Decker Ngongang (@Ngongang) July 1, 2020

my daughter threw a tantrum because she felt it was too early to be spoken to and it really is a miracle that we create little versions of ourselves

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my daughter threw a tantrum because she felt it was too early to be spoken to and it really is a miracle that we create little versions of ourselves

That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) July 2, 2020

I always thought I'd be a patient mom.

And then I had to listen to my son tell a story.

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I always thought I'd be a patient mom.

And then I had to listen to my son tell a story.

Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) July 1, 2020

Forget taking a yoga class. Once youve taken 30 minutes to exit a babys room in slow motion, youll know every position well enough to teach a yoga class.

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Forget taking a yoga class. Once youve taken 30 minutes to exit a babys room in slow motion, youll know every position well enough to teach a yoga class.

The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) June 28, 2020

Wife: Do you think something is wrong with our toddler?

Me: No *shaking head* I think they're all like that

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Wife: Do you think something is wrong with our toddler?

Me: No *shaking head* I think they're all like that

The Dad (@thedad) July 1, 2020

My daughter has been hoarding empty toilet paper rolls in her bedroom.
I dont know what kind of elaborate craft shes planning, but I already know I want to throw it out.

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My daughter has been hoarding empty toilet paper rolls in her bedroom.
I dont know what kind of elaborate craft shes planning, but I already know I want to throw it out.

Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) July 2, 2020

Good luck robbing my house. My home security system is LEGOs on the floor.

Jessie (@mommajessiec) June 29, 2020","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Jessie","author_url":"https://twitter.com/mommajessiec","cache_age":86400,"description":"Good luck robbing my house. My home security system is LEGOs on the floor. 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Good luck robbing my house. My home security system is LEGOs on the floor.

Jessie (@mommajessiec) June 29, 2020

I was celebrating the fact my kids were all playing together nicely.

Turns out my 8yo opened a Sharpie tattoo shop in his bedroom.

My 2yo has tattoo barbed wire across her chest and a skull with DEADLOCK scrolled down her arm.

Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) July 1, 2020","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Unfiltered Mama","author_url":"https://twitter.com/UnfilteredMama","cache_age":86400,"description":"I was celebrating the fact my kids were all playing together nicely. Turns out my 8yo opened a Sharpie tattoo shop in his bedroom. My 2yo has tattoo barbed wire across her chest and a skull with DEADLOCK scrolled down her arm. 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I was celebrating the fact my kids were all playing together nicely.

Turns out my 8yo opened a Sharpie tattoo shop in his bedroom.

My 2yo has tattoo barbed wire across her chest and a skull with DEADLOCK scrolled down her arm.

Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) July 1, 2020

My son lost his tooth yesterday and I go to his room last night to grab the tooth in exchange for some $$$... And this is the message he wrote... with full on instructions pic.twitter.com/jiMm5y9UF9

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My son lost his tooth yesterday and I go to his room last night to grab the tooth in exchange for some $$$... And this is the message he wrote... with full on instructions pic.twitter.com/jiMm5y9UF9

Chef Lauren (@ChefLaurenW) July 2, 2020

\"TURBO MODE\"
My kid shouts, farting while skating

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"TURBO MODE"
My kid shouts, farting while skating

Marl (@Marlebean) July 2, 2020

By law, all dads who pick up a packed suitcase to load into the car have to say, Jeez, what did you put in here, a dead body?

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By law, all dads who pick up a packed suitcase to load into the car have to say, Jeez, what did you put in here, a dead body?

SpacedMom (@copymama) June 27, 2020

10-year-old: I'm watching all the Harry Potter movies.

Me: Do you really have that much free time?

10: I don't have any free time. I'm watching all the Harry Potter movies.

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10-year-old: I'm watching all the Harry Potter movies.

Me: Do you really have that much free time?

10: I don't have any free time. I'm watching all the Harry Potter movies.

James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 29, 2020

My 4-year-old wanted to use talk-to-text to send a message to his aunt. This is what was sent. My 4-year-old is THE world's worst rapper. pic.twitter.com/Bq15aRcH1a

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My 4-year-old wanted to use talk-to-text to send a message to his aunt. This is what was sent. My 4-year-old is THE world's worst rapper. pic.twitter.com/Bq15aRcH1a

A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) July 2, 2020

Me, to 8y.o: Why do you watch YouTube videos of other people playing video games when you could play them yourself?

8: Well, why do YOU watch TikTok videos of people dancing when you could do the dances yourself?

Well played, kid.

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Me, to 8y.o: Why do you watch YouTube videos of other people playing video games when you could play them yourself?

8: Well, why do YOU watch TikTok videos of people dancing when you could do the dances yourself?

Well played, kid.

Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) July 1, 2020