How Introverts And Extroverts Handle The COVID-19 Pandemic Differently

At the beginning of the pandemic , several decades ago sorry, several months ago writer Harris OMalley and his wife had very different feelings about lockdown.

Harris, who writes the dating advice blog Paging Dr. NerdLove , is a self-described extrovert. His wife tends to be more introverted , which at least initially, seemed to work in her favor in lockdown.

She thought, This is the life, nothing to do but stay home, take care of the house, not worry about needing to go anywhere and do anything, Harris told HuffPost.

For Harris, no amount of Zoom happy hours, Animal Crossing and podcast listening could satisfy his extrovert needs for socializing.

Im a living example of why taking an extrovert and locking him in his house for six months means bad things start to happen, he joked.

The big difference between extroverts and introverts is that introverts recharge by being at home and crave space to process information. Extroverts charge their batteries by socializing with others.

The coronavirus pandemic has complicated all that, though. Months of quarantine have proved that even introverts have their limits with me time.

My partner may be an introvert, but shes still incredibly social; she just wants to socialize at the house, Harris said. So now shes planning a truly impressive number of parties that she wants to throw when the lockdown is over, including a Yeet The Treats Halloween shindig where we fling full-size candy bars at any trick-or-treaters from a safe distance.

Another introvert-extrovert couple, writer Betsy Talbot and her extrovert husband Warren, told HuffPost that even simple conversation come with new complications because of quarantine.

We always joke that Warren thinks by talking, and I cant think when Im talking. Now that theres a lot more to think about, he needs to talk it out more, said Talbot, the author of Married with Luggage: What We Learned About Love by Traveling the World. And since Im the only one he has to talk to most days, Ive spent a lot more time in daily conversation than Im used to.

That constant chattiness can wear on Talbot, so the couple have come to a compromise: Talbot listens intently Monday through Saturday, but on Sunday, she gets a day to fully recharge and enjoy her me time (which for Talbot, means crocheting, reading and most importantly having zero conversational demands placed on her).

All of this is to say, were trying hard to give each other what we need to stay healthy while taking care of ourselves, and so far this works for us, she said.

Check on those of us who are introverts but married to extroverts who now have to stay in the house. We are not okay.

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Check on those of us who are introverts but married to extroverts who now have to stay in the house. We are not okay.
Luvvie is the #ProfessionalTroublemaker. PREORDER. (@Luvvie) March 14, 2020

Thats about the best an introvert and extrovert muddling through a pandemic can do, said Jennifer B. Kahnweiler , a public speaker and the author of Creating Introvert-Friendly Workplaces .

Given the unique challenges both personality types are facing, that understanding and compromise means everything.

Kahnweiler said that many introverts who seemed to be thriving early on in the pandemic are experiencing some lows now.

I reached out in the early days of the quarantine to some of my introverted clients, just to make sure they were OK, Kahnweiler said. One of them, an introverted leader who was adjusting to leading a team from home, said he missed the informal banter with his fellow IT pros.

Working at home full-time for him and so many other introverts isnt the nirvana they expected. For starters, the constant Zoom happy hours and extra conference calls are utterly exhausting . The pressure those under your roof or in your social circle put on you can be taxing, too.

Still, many introverts continue to revel in the quietness and relative serenity of lockdown, said Laurie Helgoe, a psychologist and author of Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength.

For me, just as my extroverted family and friends were getting restless under lockdown, I was hitting my sweet spot, she said. I could work remotely and engage from the quiet of my home our kids are grown. I could dig more deeply into projects and open up new worlds of insight and knowledge. I could pause to let ideas sink in.

Because our lives are mostly online now, Helgoe said introverts like her have the opportunity to regulate social stimulation and engage more fully in these interactions: Ill stay engaged and look excited on this Zoom birthday party, they might tell themselves, but after an hour, Im going to tell my friends I have to bounce to get some leftover work done.

In other words, theyre benefiting from the space, Helgoe said.

This is the point often missed: Introverts do not seek space to escape from relationships, she said. We need space to be present for relationships.

As for extroverts, Kahnweiler said shes surprised to see many of them coping fairly well, given their predilection for people.

Theyre tapping into their inner introvert, she said. Theyve experienced time to think more deeply, prepare for their day and meetings, and be more present with friends and family.

Theyve been learning to breathe a bit more slowly, she added. Extroverts are accessing those introverted qualities of engaged listening, and even embracing silence.

Many are getting their extrovert fix by talking to friends and family while walking or by scheduling extra FaceTime calls with friends, Kahnweiler said.