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Posted: 2015-10-20T19:32:01Z | Updated: 2016-10-20T09:12:01Z

Life becomes burdensome when we regret more often than we accept. Yet the majority of us constantly wear the heavy coat of self-criticism: We dwell on our past, thinking, "If only I would've done things differently, then..." The "then" clause is merely speculation, of course; having done things differently might have produced different results, yes, but you would also be less evolved and perceptive than you are now. Remember that the best sort of change is brought on by error.

Sometimes, though, we can't help but repent certain parts of our past: falling for all the wrong partners, poor financial choices, giving up on a dream -- such decisions can downright haunt us. We believe our former mistakes keep us trapped, but they don't. In reality it is we who cause our own stagnancy.

For this reason, we must consciously choose to reflect rather than regret. There's a big difference: When you reflect on previous experiences, you understand where you went wrong and promise yourself not to repeat such errors in the future. You forgive others and unload the weight of actions taken long ago. But when you regret, you are resentfully rejecting a part of your history -- a part of you.

To establish a healthy habit of reflection and come to terms with the past, consider the following as five actions you should always perform without regret:

1. Helping someone. Helping someone (whether they deserve it or not) is always a noble deed. Don't worry about how you've been treated or mistreated; be the one to set an example that others should follow. Maintain your own dignity in tact by always doing the right thing. That certain people have acted wrongly towards you should only prompt you to act with more compassion towards others. This creates positive karma for you and disentangles you from the low energy of those who simply don't know any better. Acting morally is a confirmation of great character. I firmly believe that the more you do unto others as you would have them do unto you, the more the universe rewards you. As Mother Teresa said: "In the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway." So do good anyway -- no regrets.

2. Mistakes. As I like to say, there's no shame in mistake-making because mistakes are simply solutions in the making. Making mistakes (even the same ones over and over again) doesn't make you weak, dumb, or gullible. It makes you human. There's only one way to escape the persistent cycle of guilt and the self-imposed limitations it causes: Be proud -- of the good, the bad, of everything. As long as you learned, take pride in every decision you've made because it becomes permanently embedded in your history. Your failures are just as much a part of you as are your successes. Own both equally and unapologetically.

3. Standing up for yourself. Feel no remorse for saying no, holding your ground, or defending yourself. You, as the precious life that you are, deserve nothing short of respect and fairness. Reject any treatment that doesn't meet these standards. But here's the catch: you must also return these virtues to others. Because when you have a clear conscious about how you treat the world around you, you know never to settle for less for your own self. If you feel ashamed to stand up for yourself, remind yourself that dignity is a birthright to which you're eternally entitled.

4. Pain. Pain is more easily processed when it is welcomed rather than shunned. The more you run away from your pain, the more closely it will follow you. Don't lament your pain because unprocessed pain becomes buried deep within your subconscious and will resurface at the worst times and in the worst ways. Embrace your pain: It is one of the most profound emotions you can feel. It deserves equal if not more attention than joy because it's a feeling that lends incredible wisdom. Pain turns you curiously creative, inventive, persistent, and strategic. The mark of true genius is being able to turn your pain into progress through related means. If you're suffering because of a broken heart, for example, seek your natural talents to assuage your pain: start a blog about relationships, cook for the people who do appreciate you, compose a new love song and sing your heart out. When you feel pain, create. This is your most fertile time to release your inner inventor and take advantage of the profound sensitivity and wisdom that pain lends. In this way, you can turn struggle into survival.

5. Dreaming. Your dreams may be so big that they scare you, but at the end of the day, they're all you have to uplift your spirits and shift your life direction. As Carl Sandburg said, "nothing happens unless first a dream." Think about what you have now that long ago, you could only dream to have: the goals you achieved because you were inspired by a dream. Your ambition pushed you to reach new heights. Similarly, the dreams you hold now -- however lofty -- can become reality if you continue to pursue them. Since I was little, I've envisioned everything I wanted. I simply closed my eyes and imagined my desires shaping into reality. Simple daydreaming has been one of my most inspiring tools to self-betterment and manifestation. Never apologize for your boldest wishes because the bigger your dreams, the more driven you become to fulfill them.

Once we acknowledge that we must undertake these five actions with joy and without regret, we feel fully confident that no circumstance of the past can dim the brilliance of our future.

To living without regret,

Alexandra Harra

To learn more about The Karma Queens' Guide to Relationships, click here .

For more by Alexandra Harra, click here .

To connect with Alexandra Harra, click here .

For more on personal growth, click here .

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