Amber Tamblyn is speaking out about her decision to undergo a cosmetic procedure known as ear pinning before rising to fame as a child actor.

Tamblyn, whose credits include Joan of Arcadia and The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, addressed having the surgery for the first time in a New York Times essay published Sunday.

As a little girl I had ears that stuck out like big butterfly wings. Some kids at my school in Los Angeles would make fun of them, and Id often stare at myself in the mirror wishing my ears would lay flat against my head, she wrote.

After landing her first major television role at age 12, Tamblyn said she chose to get her ears pinned as shed come to the understanding that millions of people all over the world would be judging me on their television screens. Still, as a fiery young feminist who raged against the patriarchy, she felt like a bit of a hypocrite.

Going under the knife felt like choosing a weapon I could wield in self-defense against my own disposability, she wrote. It showed the world I understood the assignment of assimilation that I could do whatever it took to fit in, never stand out, the way my ears once did.

Ear pinning, also known as otoplasty , is a cosmetic procedure that involves altering cartilage and skin in order to move a patients protruding ears closer to their head.