old guy with a heavy brooklyn accent telling his shih tzu puppy whaddya got to bark for. everything you need i buy you. whats with da barking

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absolute legend at the bagel shop this morning pic.twitter.com/QxmsZKTRSt

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Why cant I watch a reality show where instead of toxic dating its just cat rescue weirdos scrabbling around to trap and rehabilitate a smelly scrungy mess of a cat they found in a hole

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wait the edible is hittingggggg why is my dog kinda serving sabrina carpenter pic.twitter.com/orfIe8sEzR

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Cats are such empaths, like I swear they can tell if Im having a bad day because they always know exactly what to do, like hey lets go scream at this sad nerds face and dunk our tails in his coffee before we throw up

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Correction: you will have a cat forever https://t.co/RjP6rpHkLm

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I accidentally stepped on my dog today and now I want to immediately self surrender for a life sentence.

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Floof built himself out this little space in the overflow closet and he absolutely loves it. pic.twitter.com/ggmea0vDTK

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Accidentally turned on the leaf blower in the middle of the living room and caused a tornado and almost gave all of my cats heart attacks. They were scrambling and screaming at me and each other like NO NO NO THIS OPPOSITE-VACUUM IS SO MUCH WORSE!!!!!!

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I wish he could have a grilled cheese and tomato soup I would cook him that for in between naps pic.twitter.com/LzkLnwxl3s

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someone at the dog park said \"good girl\" and i looked

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I was closing a bunch of apps I dont remember opening and as I went through them I kept getting notifications from a dating app I dont use anymore but forgot to uninstall.

I think that what happened is while I was sleeping, Onion matched me with a bunch of random people pic.twitter.com/bhWk2kXZGk

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told our foster kitten \"I feel like I have known you for a thousand lifetimes\" & my boyfriend said \"you don't even say that to me\" https://t.co/9S2EawjA9I

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This is my Chewy box. This is not my cat. pic.twitter.com/YYNGvzf8Lj

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about a year and then they will be in their adult cat murderer phase https://t.co/79boq7tn2B

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Every girls crazy bout a pear shaped man pic.twitter.com/ygOulKLmke

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When I adopted a cat I didnt realize I was paying for a live-in bully

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THE DOG pic.twitter.com/XLBqAFAvjA

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At some point in a pets lifespan the dynamic between you shifts. At one time my cats were my children, born from my womb. But now they are 48 and 96 cat years old. They are my uncles, perhaps

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Powerless to his greed pic.twitter.com/obYp2vvPQa

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The face of a criminal mastermind who broke into the kitchen cabinet, chewed through two bags of cat treats, realised he was stuck and screamed for help so loudly I thought he was a car alarm pic.twitter.com/mENQiJaqX1

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Kevs new dating profile pic pic.twitter.com/EXVflEEYOY

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This is Chai. He has decided that no, you are not going for a walk. 12/10 pic.twitter.com/NQl7PjsEVb

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this is the biggest toilet Ive ever seen pic.twitter.com/9HGUdOVHZS

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This may be the cutest thing I've ever seen pic.twitter.com/YrO52y9apN

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The doctor: do you have a support network around you?
Me to my brain: DO NOT MENTION THE PICTURE OF JORTS MAKING SOUP, THEY MEAN YOUR FAMILY https://t.co/wiUqIUSRW8

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