It has been over a month since the election and I am still struggling with what happened. I have been following presidential elections since the 1960s and I have successfully predicted the winner of each one until now.

Where did I go wrong? I guess my first clue should have been that this was not a predictable election season. Donald J. Trump was the most unconventional, chaotic, attention craving, rebellious, narcissistic, and negative presidential candidate ever while Hillary Clinton was the most qualified to run for higher office. Maybe I should have realized that it didn't work in 2008 when Barack Obama won on a hope and change message while HRC was running on experience. I just felt that at this time of national and global unrest a steady hand and knowledge and sanity are what is needed right now.

A certain segment of the population wanted chaos and change because they were so angry at DC and the economic situation of losing their blue collar jobs over decades. This man spoke their language. I must admit I did get a little nervous when DJT put on that miner's hat and pretended to dig coal in West Virginia because I could see the appeal in him then. Being a charismatic TV personality he is ever the showman. He exploited Hillary's gaffe of saying coal was a dying industry even though it is the truth. Actually, truth was the real casualty this election.

I should have also worried when Trump said disqualifying statements about certain ethnic groups that would have sunk any normal politician and it didn't make a dent on his popularity with his fans but actually made his polls go up. But then again, this is the same crowd that booed a gay soldier, cheered executions, and shouted to let a person die if they didn't have health insurance during the 2012 debates.

There was nothing normal about this election. His detractors kept predicting his demise but it never came. I just thought his followers were in the minority even though he kept calling them the Silent Majority (not the only thing he stole from Richard Nixon. He was also the law and order candidate.)

How many poor uneducated white males are there in this country? I asked. Turns out more than we realized.

But enough about Donald Trump who is still causing chaos and heartburn with his cabinet picks that will dismantle every agency they are put in charge of and his refusal to acknowledge that Russia did hack his opponent's campaign emails.

I miss Hillary. I saw a video recently of her greeting supporters at a recent event for Senator Harry Reid in DC and one woman was openly weeping as she shook her hand. That's how I and many HRC loyalists feel. I'm not in denial, I'm in withdrawal. I miss her informative speeches, her engaging debates with the Donald, her enlightening town hall meetings, her TV ads which were brilliantly done, the inspiring DNC convention and even her bout with pneumonia which proved she is human and from which she was able to valiantly bounce back.

Everything seemed to be going her way. That is until the Russian hacked DNC emails released by Wikileaks and fake news stories and FBI Director Comey's letter to Congress implying the investigation into her private emails was not over eleven days before the election. It seemed she would survive all of these unpredictable setbacks as she still led in the polls nationally and in the swing states and the firewall blue states. Even the exit polls on election night went her way and made us all think she would win.

That's why election night was such a shock. I had gone to her rally at Independence Hall in Philadelphia, PA the night before and there was a jubilant feeling from her and her supporters and her distinguished guests that she would become our first woman president. She said in her speech that she regretted the angry tone of the campaign. Someone in the crowd yelled out "Not your fault" and we all erupted in clapping and cheering. Hillary smiled and I felt this was the most humble and gracious and connecting I had ever seen her with her supporters.

Campaigning and communicating with large audiences are not her thing (as it is with her opponent). This was probably her largest crowd ever (over 33,000) and it felt very intimate and uplifting. We were all there for her. She was the main attraction even with the President and First Lady and her husband and her daughter all giving inspiring messages and Bon Jovi and Bruce Springsteen singing, she stole the show. I think it was her best speech ever.

This was the fourth Hillary rally I had been to. Two times I got to shake her hand and I even got a photo with her that is still my Facebook profile picture. I had a Trump supporter tell me on FB that I should change my profile picture. I said Never. I sometimes feel like I'm in the midst of a drug or alcohol withdrawal after a year of this election season except it is a disappointing outcome that I am detoxing from. It is not easy to let go of the dream and the candidate that I have been holding onto since 2008.

I still have a slight glimmer of hope that these new CIA revelations about Russia influencing the election could lead to investigations that could force the Electoral College to postpone their votes until we know what really happened. Senators on both sides of the aisle are now pushing for congressional hearings.

The truth is that Hillary won the popular vote by 2.8 million and counting. This is something I keep bringing up when people try to blame Hillary for losing. She did not lose in my eyes. The majority of Americans voted for HER. It is amazing to me she won all those votes with everything going against her: the email scandal, Benghazi, the FBI letter, the Wikileaks, the Sanders revolution, the most dirty campaign in history being waged against her, the fake news, the attacks on her health, the calls of "lock her up", and the misogyny. She is a fighter who never gives up. And neither will I.

If you throw the third party candidates into the mix, 52% of the electorate voted against Donald Trump. 46% of the population did not vote at all. Maybe they were turned off by the negative nature of the campaign. The man has no mandate. How could Trump have won so many swing states that normally vote blue? The numbers don't add up. Hopefully, the recounts that Jill Stein and the Green Party are fighting for will shed some light on the subject, as will the investigations into the Russian hackings.

But until then, the Bible verse that says "You shall know the Truth and the Truth shall set you free" keeps coming to mind. The Truth cannot come soon enough. The future of our country hangs in the balance.