*getting ready to go on vacation*

Me: Were getting in the car.

My husband: Ok, I just need to take a quick shower & reconfigure the whole sprinkler system.

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) June 7, 2019

My husband and I are going on a cross country road trip. Im in charge of snacks and entertainment. Hes in charge of driving straight through and beating the GPS time.

Clearly we both know our strengths in this relationship.

— Tiffany (@tiffanytweets80) May 12, 2022

Wife: FINALLY A WEEKEND GETAWAY FOR JUST THE TWO OF US!

Also my wife: Are you going to breathe like that for the entire trip?

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) July 1, 2017

Traveling with your husband is fun because no matter where you go youll still end up in a Wal-Mart buying the one thing he was entrusted to pack.

— Maryfairyboberry (@maryfairybobrry) February 16, 2020

Step one of going on vacation is having a giant argument rehashing everything from the last decade of your marriage because you are both so stressed about getting everything ready to go on vacation.

— Anecdotal Birthcontrol (@AnecdtlBrthCtrl) July 1, 2022

Lots of good memories from vacation, but probably my favorite was when my husband, who insisted on not packing a hat, admitted that he shouldve brought a hat.

— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) January 27, 2020

My husband is buying me a bathing suit because no, you cant just wear your underwear to the beach on this vacation what is the matter with you I refuse to believe I married someone like this.

— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) June 3, 2021

Me: happily buzzed in the sexiest vacation mood possible
Husband: I wonder what the wattage is on this hot tub it can't possibly be efficient

— Just Bren Is Fine (@ogbrenna) April 27, 2023

When my husband thinks of RV trips hes thinking camping, adventure, outdoors, nature. And I think of those things too but also lets stop at the garden center because we could fit a lot of plants in this thing to take back home.

— yelisa (@beingyelisa) June 5, 2021

My wife: were going to relax this vacation and not plan too many activities

Also my wife: today we are going to a palm frond macrame class, followed by bathtub snorkeling for beginners, a how-to-hibatchi course then we have to hurry so we can watch the pineapples grow by sunset

— aka Josh (@tryptofantastic) June 18, 2019

Accidentally activated vacation dad by telling my husband there is construction on our way to the airportwe are now leaving at 3 am for a 5 pm flight. We live 20 mins away.

— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) August 3, 2022

My wife was somehow swapped out by aliens on vacation. We got home and she quickly emptied her suitcases and put everything away. That's not her, she usually takes at least two weeks.

— Forward March (@RunOldMan) August 12, 2019

The best part of our week-long beach vacation was my wife coming up with a slogan for a hypothetical line of masc lesbian swim shorts: are you a top who cant figure out your bottoms?

— gabrielle korn (@Gabrielle_Korn) February 16, 2023

I love traveling with my husband because it gives us an opportunity to bicker in new and exotic locations.

— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) August 8, 2022

Vacation is just your wife not liking any of your restaurant suggestions closer to the ocean.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 10, 2019

When my husband and I go on vacation we get wild by switching sides of the bed.

— Stephanie Wyeld (@steph_the_twit) January 24, 2020

For someone who has "no clue" what she's going to wear on our vacation, my wife has very strong opinions on everything I've packed for myself.

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) January 5, 2020

I told my wife she was packing the suitcase wrong so guess whose vacation clothes are on the lawn right now.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) February 17, 2021

Headed out on a road trip with my husband so if Im never heard from again he probably got us lost because he doesnt need directions.

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) January 27, 2019

Me, writes out daily outfits for trip on stationary, folds each outfit together, makes labels with the day I am to wear said outfit and attaches it to the folded pile and lays each gently into suitcase.

Husband, Do you think I need more than 3 pairs of socks?

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) December 27, 2018

Me packing for a 3 day trip: 3 sets of clothing

My wife packing for a 3 day trip: 8 sets of clothing, 4 books, and a puppy

— Bart (@bartandsoul) October 4, 2019

Sorry I spent the first five hours of our vacation connecting everything to the wifi.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 1, 2018

The best part of coming back from a long vacation is watching my husband go around the neighborhood on his reunion tour to give out gifts and catch up on all the gossip he missed.

— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) June 20, 2022

Secret to a successful marriage is separate vacations

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) July 3, 2022

My wife: Are you ready to leave for vacation today?

Me: Totally, I cant wait to not be here anymore.

My wife: No, I meant did you pack?

Me: Ok, so I guess Im not technically ready

— lucy bexley (@bexley_lucy) August 6, 2020

[packing for vacation]

Wife: Don't forget underwear.
Me: I know.
Wife: Because you always forget underwear.
Me: I KNOW.
Wife: It's like the first thing you pack I don't know how-
Me: OMG I GET IT PACK UNDERWEAR.

[unpacking at condo]

Me: you won't believe this

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) July 1, 2021

Had a big argument with my husband on a Disney Cruise about whether or not something was a picture of Remy from "Ratatouille" (it was.) This vacation is tearing us apart.

— Benjamin Siemon (@BenjaminJS) March 28, 2019

Marriage is getting back from vacation and saying, Hey that was great, we barely fought at all!

— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) September 15, 2020

Ive heard of pre-marriage counseling but I really feel like we should go in for a tune up before we pack this car for vacation.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 23, 2019