In one of the more heartbreaking moments in Netflixs docuseries Americas Sweethearts: Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, Victoria Kalina, a four-year veteran of the squad, says that cheering for the Dallas Cowboys is her dream. But its also the thing that hurts me.

Kalina was opening up about her yearslong battle with disordered eating alongside anxiety and depression, all of which flared during her time on the squad. Comments about her weight from the cheer squads directors as well as her own Instagram followers led Kalina toward depression and a complicated relationship with her body image.

When I look [at myself] in the uniform, Im always like, oh, man, I need to lose at least three pounds, Kalina said on the Netflix docuseries, which was released today.

She added that to deal with her depression, she binges and purges food.

Its a binge to get that feel-good, that empty feeling filled again, but then game time comes, so then you just gotta get into those baby clothes, get into that baby uniform and that cycle just keeps going.

Kalinas experience isnt new. She and other women on the squad dating back to the 70s have experienced eating disorders, been victims of sexual harassment, and dealt with low pay that made it hard to justify being an NFL cheerleader.

In conjunction with the Netflix docuseries premiere, HuffPost spoke to two former Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders and one woman who tried out for the team twice.

Cheering for the Cowboys and wearing the iconic uniform is a dream, the women said, but their experiences with the Cowboys included all the pitfalls that generations of cheerleaders have faced since the cheer squads inception in its current form in the 70s: body and weight issues, disordered eating, sexual harassment, and low pay.

Weighing In

Body image issues and eating disorders have long plagued cheerleaders across the NFL. An old rulebook for the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders from the 90s forbid gaining weight . Other teams have reportedly put cheerleaders through a jiggle test , which judged their body firmness at the risk of fines and penalties.

Tami Barber a cheerleader in the 70s known for her pigtails said she developed anorexia because of the expectations the organization put on her.

The self-image [issue] never ends, Barber said in a 2018 documentary about the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders titled Daughters of the Sexual Revolution.

I will always see the fat girl in the mirror, she continued, echoing Kalinas sentiments in Netflixs new series.

Squad veterans arent the only ones who say theyve been harmed by the organizations unrealistic standards. Merely trying out to be one of Americas Sweethearts is a grueling process and often requires applicants to upend their lives just for the opportunity.

Vivian Williams might know that better than anyone. She auditioned to be a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader in both 2013 and 2014, and prior to her first attempt, she lost 30 pounds in anticipation of what judges were looking for in a cheerleaders body. Her audition process was documented on CMTs Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader: Making The Team, a reality show that ran for 16 seasons from 2006 to 2021.

During an episode that aired in 2013, four veteran cheerleaders are put on probation because theyve gained what theyre told is too much weight. Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders Director Kelli Finglass reveals that the cheerleaders are obligated to maintain their audition weight.

If not, theyre in breach of contract, Finglass tells the camera.

Later in the episode, the cameras turn toward Williams when she tries on the famous Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders uniform: White shorts and boots, blue top tied in a knot and a white vest.

Finglass, outside of Williams earshot, tells others in the room that Williams looks short and thick, that her white cowboy boots are almost to her knees, and that she has huge quads, like a drumstick.

Williams didnt know what Finglass had said about her body until she saw the episode air on TV.

I think thats when my anxiety started to develop, she told HuffPost. And I had struggled with panic attacks and anxiety attacks after the fact all the way up until now. I havent had very many this year, maybe three, but I still have them.

A former Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader, who was on the squad roughly 10 years ago and asked to remain anonymous, told HuffPost that the organization was meticulous and even aggressive about cheerleaders weight. She and Williams said they were subjected to random weigh-ins, a practice that a Cowboys spokesperson said has not been in play for a number of years.

The former cheerleader said they were required to stay within five pounds of their audition weight at all times or face consequences that included full-game suspensions.

To make that even worse, they would post the results in the locker room the next day after we would weigh in, she said. So you would walk in and just be so afraid that your name was going to be on this list that was just posted in the locker room for everyone to see.

Williams said she weighed 120 pounds when she first tried out for the squad in 2013. But she didnt make it she was told she needed to lose an additional 10 pounds before the next seasons auditions.

Determined to impress Finglass and make the team, Williams under-ate, over-trained, and sat in the sauna for hours at a time. She lost more weight and tried out again for the 2014 season, three pounds lighter than when she first auditioned. But her personal training regimen led to what she called an unhealthy relationship with food.

You stop thinking about food as something that nourishes your body, she told HuffPost. When Id have a cheat meal, Id have to punish myself by going to the gym for an extra hour or not eating for an extended amount of time. And it was just because I had to be a certain weight. And I didnt care how I got to that weight.