Hi Halloween!

Long-time fan, first-time caller here. Im reaching out for a favor: could you save your scary for another year? I think I speak for everyone when I say were all stocked up on scary. Your normal parade of yellow-eyed zombies and blood-thirsty vampires isnt what we need right now. Weve got wildfires, hurricanes, mass shootings, and world leaders playing chicken with nuclear weapons. And thats just within the last month. Scary is what we eat for breakfast these days. Two nights ago, a bug tripped the smoke alarm in my bedroom and my first waking thought in that disorienting, ear-piercing moment was, Okay, I guess the nuclear holocaust is here.

So as you can see, Halloween, your little chainsaws and hockey masks arent going to cut it in 2017. (In fact, they are a little insulting. The majority of us have been living in holy terror since Nov. 8, 2016.)

But I dont want you to stay home, Halloween. No, we need you now more than ever! We need your portal into the World of What Could Be, but instead of gore and monstrosities, how about something like...