You walk into a family holiday gathering with your child in tow. Aunt Kathy bends down and stretches out her arms to your little one: Come over here and give me a big hug! Your kid gets quiet, shakes their head no and grabs on to you. You nudge them to comply: Aw, come on, go hug your Auntie. You havent seen her in forever!

Your intentions here are good: You dont want to hurt a loved ones feelings, or for your kid to seem rude. But by pressuring a child to show affection when they dont want to, you may be sending mixed messages , albeit inadvertently, about who is in charge of their body.

As parents, if our messaging is about teaching kids to honor their gut, to expect people to respect their boundaries and to say no when someone is making them feel physically unsafe, we have to make the concept of consent part of the messaging, no matter the context, psychologist Aliza Pressman co-founder of the Mount Sinai Parenting Center and host of the podcast Raising Good Humans told HuffPost.

Indeed, many parents today emphasize to their kids the importance of concepts like bodily autonomy (a persons right to decide what happens to their own body without external influence) and consent (or giving permission for something to happen in this case, for physical touch). But when you push your kid to kiss a grandparent they dont want to kiss, youre effectively telling them to ignore their discomfort with this person or the situation.