They all say the same thing.

Dont be so negative.

Stop being cynical.

Man, youre jaded.

And theyre right. I am. Im all of those things.

But I have reasons.

History tells me to be negative.

Experience tells me to be cynical.

My past makes me jaded.

Theyll continue, in that charming sorta way, dont you like me? Arent we having fun? Dont you want to see where this goes?

They talk future. They talk exclusivity. They talk weeks from now, months from now, years from now.

Its hard for me.

Im always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I wait for that moment for when I finally give in, when I finally get comfortable, when I finally let my guard down. When I finally say, yeah, theyre right your attitude determines what happens to you in life. Maybe things *will* work out. Maybe he *is* a good one. Maybe the other shoe *wont* drop this time.

Maybe there wont be some bombshell or reveal about an awful personality trait or skeletons in their closet or maybe there wont be that disheartening heart-sinking moment; they one where you go, fuck, and realize

This isnt going to work.

Maybe this is going to be it; the time where I finally meet the right person and dont have this messy complicated thing that ends in disappointment, sadness, anger or regret.

REGRET.

Maybe things are different now; I finally know how to pick em, I finally know what I want and dont want and therefore cannot POSSIBLY have chosen wrong again, no. Things are going to be good this time. I deserve that. I want that. And the universe knows it.

So I tell them. Im in.

I wont be negative, I wont be cynical, I wont be jaded.

Ill be positive, Ill be idealistic, Ill be hopeful.

I wont wait for the other shoe to drop.

But then it always does.