50 Really Funny Marriage Tweets That Just Nailed It This Year

No matter how much you adore and appreciate your spouse , you have to admit that occasionally their little quirks and irksome habits can be downright annoying.

The good news is that if you live with someone who cant load the dishwasher to save their life, always waits until the last possible moment to shower or steals fries off your plate at every opportunity, take heart in knowing youre certainly not alone.

For your entertainment, weve gathered 50 of the funniest and most relatable marriage tweets weve seen this year.

Check them out below:

Marriage is just your spouse perpetually standing in front of the kitchen drawer or cabinet you need to open.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) April 10, 2018

Arm falls off

Wife: You don't drink enough water.
— Jack Boot (@IamJackBoot) July 8, 2018

DATING: I thought it was sad when Id see a married couple at a restaurant not talking.
MARRIED: We carry on an entire conversation about the couple on a date at the table next to us using only our eyebrows.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) February 19, 2018

Just listed my wife as my emergency contact and added the note please text, she doesnt answer calls.
— Kent Graham (@KentWGraham) May 15, 2018

After many heart to heart talks my husband and I have decided at this stage of our marriage to go ahead and get separate tubes of toothpaste.
— sophielou (@sophielou) January 10, 2018

I dont wanna talk about it until youre about to fall asleep.

-Marriage
— Dan (@dadopotamus) July 28, 2018

Husband I thought you were dieting?

Me I am

Husband You just ate 6 Oreos

Me Yes but I want to eat 12. See - Dieting
— Cydni Beer (@cydbeer) March 16, 2018

Me: *parallel parking*

Husband: *visibly aging*
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 25, 2018

my wife and i cant agree on where to eat so this time were going to her favorite restaurant then next time well go to her other favorite restaurant
— eric (@ericsshadow) January 3, 2018

Youd think for $40 theyd be able to cut anything but apparently my wifes expensive craft scissors are not for opening ice pops.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 5, 2018

Marriage is about understanding what irritates your spouse and using it strategically.
— A Very TheAlexNevil Christmas (@TheAlexNevil) January 17, 2018

Peacock: *spreads feathers at me*

Husband: Its trying to attract you as a mate

Me: *shyly lifts top*

Husband: no
— Sassparilla (@Megatronic13) August 21, 2018

Me: are you ready?

Husband: yes

Me: great, I got myself and the kids ready and everythings packed up and well actually be on time if we leave right this second, lets get in the car-

Husband: okay, just need to hop in the shower real quick
— Momarazzi. (@Mirimade) October 27, 2018

Husband: Hows your diet going?

Me: *scraping cheese off his burger wrapper with my teeth* Fine.
— Candy Cane Shank (@sixfootcandy) April 18, 2018

WHY WON'T THOSE FOOTBALL PLAYERS LISTEN TO THE EXCELLENT ADVICE MY HUSBAND IS SCREAMING AT THEM?
— JPo (@Peauxtassium) September 9, 2018

Wife: There is something wrong with you

Me: What a thing to say just before our dog's first salsa lesson
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) November 13, 2018

wife: how about you be the little spoon tonight?

me: weve gone over this *points to my crown* im a spork
— M@thew (@TweetPotato314) October 11, 2018

My husband and I have reached the age that neither of us will get up to investigate even the strangest of noises.
— Jackie Bouvier (@jackiembouvier) April 7, 2018

me *choking on a piece of popcorn*
wife *turns the TV up*
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) February 6, 2018

First year married: I want to spend every moment with you

All other years: maybe you could move into your own house
— OldCardigan (@MizzusT) July 22, 2018

I tried on an outfit and asked husband if he liked that one or the next one best...then went into the closet and came out with the exact same outfit on and he looked at me and dead ass said, Definitely the first one.
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) August 19, 2018

Wife: [reaches for the fries on my plate]

Me: [slides grocery divider between plates]

Wife: you said you didnt take that from the store.

Me: and you said you didnt want any fries but here we are.
— Oops!...I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) August 16, 2018

Friend: My husband sets his alarm 30 minutes early so we can cuddle in the morning.

Me: My husband lets me sleep because he values his life.
— Candy Cane Shank (@sixfootcandy) July 16, 2018

Me: Hey honey, can you get me a cup of coffee?

Wife: You have legs. Get it yourself.

Me: Our love story should be made into a movie.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) February 14, 2018

Me texting husband at Target: Theyre just tampons. Get the ones in the pink box on the top shelf.

My husband texting me at Home Depot: Its just a socket wrench 3/4 hex right cosine the square root of 238 sudden death overtime. It has a black handle.
— Betty (@BoomBoomBetty) November 8, 2018

Husband: Why do you ALWAYS have to be on your phone?

Me: Sounds good, Im starving.
— Maybe She... (@CantWaitToNap) March 26, 2018

My wife can spot me dropping a single crumb anywhere in our house from 50 feet away but her car looks like a Starbucks exploded inside of it.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) September 9, 2018

Marriage 1st Year.
Husband: Hey, beautiful, Ive got candles lit and sexy music, ready for a night of romance?
Me: *blushes*

Marriage 6th Year:
Husband: The kids are asleep, wanna have sex real quick?
Me: I literally just poured the milk on my cereal.
— Momarazzi. (@Mirimade) September 6, 2018

WIFE: If you embarrass me in public again, I'm leaving you

[Single Ladies comes on the jukebox]

ME: *rising to my feet* Well, we had a good run
— Andrew Fowler (@fowlerism) June 14, 2018

My husband unloaded the dishwasher so I guess now its time to have a parade for him
— JPo (@Peauxtassium) November 11, 2018

If you've been married for any length of time, you've thought about grocery shopping during sex. Don't front.
— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) February 15, 2018

Wife - We have to go to Kohls today so I can spend my $5 Kohls cash before it expires.
Me - I'll give you $10 if I can stay home.
— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) April 14, 2018

(100 miles from exit)

Wife: You need to get in the right lane.
— DPW (@pondermymaker) March 1, 2018

When you do it, its annoying, when I do it, its adorable.

Me, explaining life to my husband
— OldCardigan (@MizzusT) January 22, 2018

*asks grocery store manager to write a note telling my wife that I looked everywhere but couldnt find the ice cream she wanted*
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) May 22, 2018

After 22 years my best marriage advice is don't marry someone who sets his two phones and alarm clock to go off at 5min intervals and then always hits snooze for at least an hour.
— Elisabeth (@YourMomsucksTho) September 3, 2018

Three months.

That's how long my husband stood by and watched me water a fake plant.
— Mommy Jeerist (@Mommy_jeerist) December 4, 2018

Me: Everyone should follow their true calling in life.
Husband: Shopping at Target isnt a calling.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) March 30, 2018

My wife just asked me to build a new deck like Im Jesus or something.
— Dan (@dadopotamus) August 26, 2018

All Im saying is if we had a dungeon, my wife would decorate it with throw pillows.
— Boyd's Backyard (@TheBoydP) July 16, 2018

I'm so lazy, I'm more of an "atrophy" wife.
— Cathryn (@AngryRaccoon2) July 27, 2018

Married Sexting...

I'm not wearing any underwear because you didn't put the fucking laundry in the dryer like I asked you 100 times
— LipsStyx (@LipsStyx) October 12, 2018

Me: Im in charge of the shopping cart when my wife and I go to the grocery store

Cashier: ...why are you telling me this?
— Chad Read (@squirrel74wkgn) October 7, 2018

Me watching my husband quietly close the dishwasher after taking just one clean dish out pic.twitter.com/n93y9enRYx
— Tracie Tom (@tracietom) October 11, 2018

[sitting at a table]

Wife: writes number on paper and slides it across.
Me: crosses out and writes new number

*thermostat negotiations*
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 9, 2018

Whenever my husband shows me affection and my dogs get jealous, I have to tell them that they are my true loves and he means nothing to me.
— Stacey (@skittle624) November 3, 2018

I mainly got married so I can have someone answer the door when the take-out comes.
— Charlotte Christmas (@jellybnbonanza) November 7, 2018

Me to my husband: Why don't you ever buy me flowers?

Me to myself when I see a dude buying flowers: What'd this motherfucker do?
— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) May 11, 2018

Me: [boiling water]

Wife: No, not like THAT!
— (@kwkorpi) March 31, 2018

Wife: ITS OVER! GET OUT!

Me: Ok, good luck killing spiders

Wife: Wait
— The Dadvocate (@thedadvocate01) November 20, 2018