Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So, each week we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Do you like the feeling of never being home & living out of your car?
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) January 7, 2020
Then having kids involved in sports is for you.
Son: Can I have some?
— Vision Bored (@VisionBored1) January 6, 2020
Me, mouth full of cheesecake: Its really spicy you wont like it.
I just had to run my daughter a second bath because the first, and I quote, had a hair in it.
— Crockett (@CrockettForReal) January 9, 2020
If I'm playing with my kids, there's a 100% chance I'm trying to get one of them to rub my back or brush my hair.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) January 5, 2020
Every morning my 4-year-old asks me if it's Friday yet like some kind of malcontent coworker imposed upon by her job of literally playing all day long.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) January 7, 2020
Parenting is telling one kid to leave the other one alone until you die.
— The Dad Briefs (@SladeWentworth) January 4, 2020
Listen Bento Box Betty, your school lunch posts are really inspiring but if I sent my kids to school with kale chips and tofu squares they would starve.
— Rhyming Mama (@sarabellab123) January 8, 2020
My 10yo who has trouble remembering to wear socks to school and close car doors behind him is upset because I won't buy him a chinchilla.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) January 7, 2020
The most disappointing part about having an 11 yo is that he didnt leave a year ago to become a Pokmon master
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) January 8, 2020
Me:
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) January 8, 2020
[Wakes up at 4 am]
[Checks on my 2 sleeping kids]
[Decides to drive to park to go running]
[Gets in car]
[Goes to adjust rear-view mirror]
OHSONOFA....
My two kids, in the backseat: WHATCHA DOING?
Loudest Noises on Earth:
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) January 7, 2020
5. Race cars
4. Space shuttle launch
3. Volcano erupting
2. Bomb exploding
1. Noise made prior to a kid yelling IT WAS NOTHING
Lets get married and have kids so instead of starting the new year with a juice cleanse we can start it with an everyone in this family has a stomach bug cleanse.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 9, 2020
"yeah that IS strange they only filled the fries and shakes halfway" I say about the food I brought home for my kids.
— Marl (@Marlebean) January 6, 2020
The only thing that brings more joy than the laughter of a child is when the morning school bus comes to take them away.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) January 9, 2020
Carb loading to get me through to my toddler's bedtime
— Gregnog (@DaddyGrownup) January 8, 2020
4-year-old: Why do I have to be the youngest?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 9, 2020
Me: Your sisters were born first.
4: They cheated.
Sometimes I like to mess with my family and hide their stuff where they can't find it.
— Stay at Homies (@stayathomies) January 8, 2020
Like I put their shoes in the shoe closet, their jacket on a hanger and their keys on the key hook.
"I don't know" is teenager for "I know but I'm definitely not telling my mom."
— Divergent Mama (@Divergentmama) January 9, 2020
So far this week Ive told my toddler the following:
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) January 8, 2020
-Be all that too can be
-The more you know
-Beef, its what for dinner
-Milk, it does the body good
-Gimme a break
and
-Dont leave home without it
So thanks 1980s advertising for raising my son.
10 had to come up with healthy goals for school and put down hed run more and when I told him how impressed I was he said yeah but since I dont run at all if I start running even 2 sec a day itll count as more and so now Im dropping everything and redoing MY healthy goals.
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) January 8, 2020
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