shout out to the women in the hot dog eating contest who ate 2 dogs in 5 minutes no competitive streak no urgency just taking the stage for a light lunch

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Was on a date with a guy and we kissed and his watch started beeped really loud and we looked down and it said abnormal heart rate detected lol

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going on vacay with a 24yo friend is wild. girl packed al she needed in one big tote. did not eat breakfast. guzzled cocktails at the hotel then got a full night of sleep and got up at 6am to go to the gym and write. i had one marg and forgot to stretch and thus need hospital

delia (@delia_cai) July 3, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"delia","author_url":"https://twitter.com/delia_cai","cache_age":86400,"description":"going on vacay with a 24yo friend is wild. girl packed al she needed in one big tote. did not eat breakfast. guzzled cocktails at the hotel then got a full night of sleep and got up at 6am to go to the gym and write. i had one marg and forgot to stretch and thus need hospital delia (@delia_cai) July 3, 2023\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"delia on 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Instagram used to literally be like hello your boyfriend liked 69slutangelbaby photo and 20 others

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I understand her pic.twitter.com/gL0zqIT63f

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We just got new neighbors and if they play their cards right I wont know anything about them just like whats-his-name that lived there before them.

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\"The Bear\" but for that one soft serve ice cream shop in a small town that stays open past 9pm in the summers.

Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) July 1, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Rohita Kadambi","author_url":"https://twitter.com/RohitaKadambi","cache_age":86400,"description":"\"The Bear\" but for that one soft serve ice cream shop in a small town that stays open past 9pm in the summers. 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certified freak? seven days a week? babygirl you need a union

ditch pony (@molly7anne) July 6, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"ditch pony","author_url":"https://twitter.com/molly7anne","cache_age":86400,"description":"certified freak? seven days a week? babygirl you need a union ditch pony (@molly7anne) July 6, 2023\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"ditch pony on 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Me and the girls trying to find gossip material when nothings going on https://t.co/6WCT6IjjPp

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apple pay isnt real money its literally me using my face card

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me and the little amish girl I found at the farmers market after I take her to sephora pic.twitter.com/Rji7241pAq

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Nobody:
Somebody uncle later today: pic.twitter.com/BkpDw7Rs01

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Stedman needs to do a workshop on how to be a respectable and quiet boyfriendson

These dependents are out of pocket.

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[writing cover letter] as a little girl it was always my Dream that some day i would file expense reports

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the little drink you get while running errands should be free. compensation for witnessing the horrors

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I need to know what she did in those 12 days asap https://t.co/Yo7rSumBjd

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Fondly remembering the time two of my transphobic colleagues wouldnt eat my baking so I made progressively more delicious and elaborate cakes and watched them die inside from their own bigotry

Caitlin Spice (@catespice) July 7, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Caitlin Spice","author_url":"https://twitter.com/catespice","cache_age":86400,"description":"Fondly remembering the time two of my transphobic colleagues wouldnt eat my baking so I made progressively more delicious and elaborate cakes and watched them die inside from their own bigotry Caitlin Spice (@catespice) July 7, 2023\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Caitlin Spice on 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last night when i ordered a double gin and tonic and the bartender flipped the screen around and it said $36.42 pic.twitter.com/yiIsvJIRYx

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Vet: Shes a pretty cat.

Me: Do you mean shes the most beautiful girl in this whole wide world, the prettiest, sweetest, orangest, most beautiful girl?

Vet: Medically speaking, yes.

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just learned about the hemline index which states the trends of skirt lengths correlate with the economy, with longer being worse and shorter being better. So in an effort to boost the economy I am going to dress sluttier

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summer hits and everyone in ny starts dressing like robin williams in the birdcage pic.twitter.com/fmLiIx6wfW

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having people in your life with real jobs is so humiliating. just called my brother and he immediately picked up like hey is everything okay? and I said yeah I just wanted to chat :) and he said oh okay well. its the middle of the workday my bad

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https://t.co/iW0782QyYa pic.twitter.com/S3FlHzp6Gs

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film FELL OFF when they stopped making movies where teachers sit on chairs backwards

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The copywriter who writes Reformation's emails is so unhinged I never know what i'm going to get pic.twitter.com/tQaPPFzbDA

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john mulaney getting routinely cancelled for being a present and active father is so so funny

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thinking about the comically long statement necklaces of the 2010s and how it was usually an owl pic.twitter.com/dwlvnhbemn

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you cannot call him sleepy joe AND be mad he has cocaine. do you want him up or not

Jessica (Ka) Burbank (@JessicaLBurbank) July 6, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Jessica (Ka) Burbank","author_url":"https://twitter.com/JessicaLBurbank","cache_age":86400,"description":"you cannot call him sleepy joe AND be mad he has cocaine. do you want him up or not Jessica (Ka) Burbank (@JessicaLBurbank) July 6, 2023\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Jessica (Ka) Burbank on 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i've also invented a twitter competitor. it's called \"my phone number\" and if I like you i'll text you every dumb thought that goes through my head

Tisya Mavuram (@tmavuram) July 6, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Tisya Mavuram","author_url":"https://twitter.com/tmavuram","cache_age":86400,"description":"i've also invented a twitter competitor. it's called \"my phone number\" and if I like you i'll text you every dumb thought that goes through my head Tisya Mavuram (@tmavuram) July 6, 2023\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Tisya Mavuram on 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