Just witnessed a home depot walk of shame (guy taking his purchase back in because it wouldn't fit in his car)

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Global pandemic, a Russian Revolution, and Titanic deaths? The 1910s are BACK.

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three people came into the gelato shop and after the first two ordered, the last guy didnt get anything and for some reason i thought itd be funny to say, designated driver, huh? anyway that joke did not land and now im so embarrassed i might need to quit my job

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Im not gullible enough to be lured into a cult but I am nosy enough

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Honestly insane that you can be a kid but then grow up and live alone and have no one to be like I threw up to

caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) June 25, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"caitie delaney","author_url":"https://twitter.com/caitiedelaney","cache_age":86400,"description":"Honestly insane that you can be a kid but then grow up and live alone and have no one to be like I threw up to caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) June 25, 2023\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"caitie delaney on 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had 2 glasses of wine about to text him can I ask you something and then turn my phone off til tomorrow

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WICKED WITCH: Ill get you my pretty, and your little dog too!!!

ME IF I WERE DOROTHY: wait so you think Im pretty

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people seeing barbie first are wild. the schedule needs to be
black coffee and a cigarette
oppenheimer around 11 (its 3 hours)
mimosas and brunch
barbie around 6/7
dinner, drinks, club https://t.co/oRxWJmE2xm

trish (@ULTRAGLOSS) June 26, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"trish","author_url":"https://twitter.com/ULTRAGLOSS","cache_age":86400,"description":"people seeing barbie first are wild. the schedule needs to beblack coffee and a cigaretteoppenheimer around 11 (its 3 hours)mimosas and brunchbarbie around 6/7dinner, drinks, club https://t.co/oRxWJmE2xm trish (@ULTRAGLOSS) June 26, 2023\n\n","options":{"_hide_media":{"label":"Hide photos, videos, and cards","value":false},"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"trish on 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ok so oppenheimer tweets are NOT about the twins on selling sunset ?????

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only children are so funny. youre telling me you just hung around the house with two grownups all the time? like a little businessman?

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diet coke may cause cancer? you mean the mysteriously sweet yet calorie-free, tar-black beverage with flavors not based in nature isn't...organic

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cant stop thinking about these guys whose friend forgot his ID so they got a table by the window and were just chatting with him outside pic.twitter.com/RK51tF3017

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ngl when i say something grammatically incorrect i still use english isnt my first language as an excuse even though i learned english when i was 5

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a woman after accurately assessing the situation: do i sound crazy

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Im at the vet with my dog. Were waiting in a small exam room, and he thinks were working together to devise an escape plan. He keeps nudging me to the door and slapping me with his paw. I can tell he thinks Im an idiot for not figuring this out already.

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is anyone else having memory problems lately?? like for example I keep forgetting to be wildly successful and meet the love of my life

danielle weisberg (@danielleweisber) June 28, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"danielle weisberg","author_url":"https://twitter.com/danielleweisber","cache_age":86400,"description":"is anyone else having memory problems lately?? like for example I keep forgetting to be wildly successful and meet the love of my life danielle weisberg (@danielleweisber) June 28, 2023\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"danielle weisberg on 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Orcas to one another: https://t.co/v2LEAlDG4A pic.twitter.com/Oeyn4gQuDh

Morgan Jerkins (@MorganJerkins) June 27, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Morgan Jerkins","author_url":"https://twitter.com/MorganJerkins","cache_age":86400,"description":"Orcas to one another: https://t.co/v2LEAlDG4A pic.twitter.com/Oeyn4gQuDh Morgan Jerkins (@MorganJerkins) June 27, 2023\n\n","options":{"_hide_media":{"label":"Hide photos, videos, and cards","value":false},"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","thumbnail_height":350,"thumbnail_url":"https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Fzo3BfaWYAAdIRk.jpg:large","thumbnail_width":622,"title":"Morgan Jerkins on 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theres one web designer who would never deny you service and her name was charlotte

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when I hear a HINT of a Canadian accent while watching tv pic.twitter.com/Df5wkkNPVZ

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Sick injury bro. Would be a shame if I added insult to it

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Americans: I use miles and pounds

Europeans: I use kilometres and kilograms

Canadians: [snorting a line of assorted measuring systems] I'm 5'3, I weigh 150lbs, horses weigh 1000kgs, my house is an hour away and I drive 80 km/h to get there, I need a cup of flour and 1L of milk

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FREE HIM pic.twitter.com/hrQ63nHwCD

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Incredible work by gmail here on the suggested replies to a professional email. pic.twitter.com/zQAiVBnzjR

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we all got a little Barbie in us (the microplastics)

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The Life of Buca di Beppoio Beppo, Founder of Bucca Di Beppo https://t.co/TWMTqA7eQG

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i haven't listened to a podcast in years but it's time pic.twitter.com/3ixq8ZjbpZ

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i LOVEEEE the homeboys that post everything like yessss where yall at now??? Matter fact go live boo

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RIP Emily Dickinson, you would have really loved Mountain Dew Summer Freeze pic.twitter.com/RbmP5jJer4

Emma Baccellieri (@emmabaccellieri) June 28, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Emma Baccellieri","author_url":"https://twitter.com/emmabaccellieri","cache_age":86400,"description":"RIP Emily Dickinson, you would have really loved Mountain Dew Summer Freeze pic.twitter.com/RbmP5jJer4 Emma Baccellieri (@emmabaccellieri) June 28, 2023\n\n","options":{"_hide_media":{"label":"Hide photos, videos, and cards","value":false},"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","thumbnail_height":1431,"thumbnail_url":"https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Fzt-_sNX0AElgKM.jpg:large","thumbnail_width":827,"title":"Emma Baccellieri on 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i just saw my neighbors (a couple) outside smoking, so i went up to introduced myself. without saying a word, the guy immediately went inside and closed the door. then the woman very warmly said hi! im erica. thats my husband. hes miserable.

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okay I DID my laundry but whats next? putting it away? fuck everything

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5 years ago i tried to look sooooo chill on a rollercoaster and ended up looking embalmed pic.twitter.com/O2np5njBLl

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happy pride to 18 year old me, who wrote a time capsule letter to her 28 year old self that said I hope youre a famous actress w a super hot husband, but if it weirdly turns out that youre gay, thats okay too. Like I dont THINK youre gay, but just saying.

ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) June 25, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"ely kreimendahl","author_url":"https://twitter.com/ElyKreimendahl","cache_age":86400,"description":"happy pride to 18 year old me, who wrote a time capsule letter to her 28 year old self that said I hope youre a famous actress w a super hot husband, but if it weirdly turns out that youre gay, thats okay too. 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I need my next partner to be absolutely looney tunes for me. Like, heart exploding from chest, tongue rolling out into a carpet, bonking themselves on the head with a hammer when they see me until little birds circle them, etc etc

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