well cross that bridge when we come to it ok but im gonna worry about the bridge now

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fellas, dont date that girl whos too young for you. in college my friend dated a thirty year old and we called him Old Balls behind his back

ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) May 29, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"ely kreimendahl","author_url":"https://twitter.com/ElyKreimendahl","cache_age":86400,"description":"fellas, dont date that girl whos too young for you. in college my friend dated a thirty year old and we called him Old Balls behind his back ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) May 29, 2023\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"ely kreimendahl on 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I cant go for a walk today because none of my favorite podcasts have released new episodes, and that is the only correct conclusion.

Akilah Green (@akilahgreen) May 29, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Akilah Green","author_url":"https://twitter.com/akilahgreen","cache_age":86400,"description":"I cant go for a walk today because none of my favorite podcasts have released new episodes, and that is the only correct conclusion. 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Stages of plant ownership:

1. Im going to take such good care of you.

2. Oh no.

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my iron levels are so low that I have to start getting IV infusions and my dr was like havent you noticed super low energy?? like yeah dog but I thought I was just depressed so this is actually kind of slay

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photo dump day is such a fascinating study of other people's restraint ..... what hot selfies did they not post immediately ..... what's getting recycled from the IG stories.... whose elbows are strategically peepable.... art history courses for this era gonna be wild

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The new MAX app friggin ROCKS! My favorite thing is when I go to watch an episode of TV Ive previously viewed and it brings me straight to the end credits then immediately autoplays to the next episodes end credits as well. Smart! Everyone knows the credits are the best part

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Whenever I see a Skarsgard in a movie or show, I point and say Skarsgard just like when you drive by a bunch of cows and say cows

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cant stop thinking about the girl I saw last night at the Eras Tour trying to Shazam what Phoebe Bridgers was singing live

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Obsessed with people's audacity on Facebook Marketplace. I just saw a used kid's water table for $250, I thought \"That seems kinda expensive for that\" so I looked it up. It cost $189 new.

Lucy Huber (@clhubes) June 1, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Lucy Huber","author_url":"https://twitter.com/clhubes","cache_age":86400,"description":"Obsessed with people's audacity on Facebook Marketplace. I just saw a used kid's water table for $250, I thought \"That seems kinda expensive for that\" so I looked it up. It cost $189 new. 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Fashion designers: What do you want?

Women: Pockets.

Fashion designers: Well bring back bubble shirts and low rise jeans!

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FINALLY, pic.twitter.com/X5R3L26Ae7

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dont mean to sound like a sickly victorian woman riddled with consumption but i do feel like a little trip to the seaside would fix me

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Guys love when u let them scroll thru basketball players on your Raya its like bringing a kid to see Santa

helena (@freshhel) May 30, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"helena","author_url":"https://twitter.com/freshhel","cache_age":86400,"description":"Guys love when u let them scroll thru basketball players on your Raya its like bringing a kid to see Santa helena (@freshhel) May 30, 2023\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"helena on 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I dont watch Succession but Im gonna miss the Sundays when every tweet on the tl would suddenly be like the way that Roman carried himself in front of Shiv and Roy and Chadthew and Geronimo really highlights the overlap of patriarchy and the American tax system or whatever

abby govindan (@abbygov) May 29, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"abby govindan","author_url":"https://twitter.com/abbygov","cache_age":86400,"description":"I dont watch Succession but Im gonna miss the Sundays when every tweet on the tl would suddenly be like the way that Roman carried himself in front of Shiv and Roy and Chadthew and Geronimo really highlights the overlap of patriarchy and the American tax system or whatever abby govindan (@abbygov) May 29, 2023\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"abby govindan on 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theres only one Roy I care about and its G Biv

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I was all for feminism until we bought a house and I found out how many documents you need to sign. I cannot be involved in this, I am just a little housewife.

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i was on a first date w this girl and she asked for my birth details. figured she was doing astrology on me but no, she wanted, like, the details of my delivery. i told her i was a C section and she immediately asked for the check. so. what do we reckon happened there

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Hey thanks so much for inviting me out! What do you think of me? Do you think Im cool? Did you like hanging out with me? Was I fun?

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My husband: All the flags are at half-mast this weekend.

Me: For Tina Turner?

My husband: [long, scathing pause] For Memorial Day.

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Not drinking is great but I do find myself chasing weirder and worse drinks. Watching the bartender make a spicy marg and Im tempted to ask her to muddle jalapeos into a regular coke for me.

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when i was 8 i convinced my little sister that we were half-vampires who after a certain age would be unable to contain our hunger for the blood of others and the urge to tear into their necks and she (4) had the nerve to get upset with me about it live a little

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learning that Greg makes $200k finally some media salary transparency

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