taking the amtrak is so fun. when you drive all you see is ugly highways but when you take the train you get to see some guys weird backyard

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my dream job is I go on a really long walk every morning, 3-4 hrs, come back to my desk at lunchtime and then write a 3000 word report on the walk. End of day, send report to an email address that never ever replies

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sorry i cant come out tonight the suns setting at 5

trash jones (@jzux) November 5, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"trash jones","author_url":"https://twitter.com/jzux","cache_age":86400,"description":"sorry i cant come out tonight the suns setting at 5 trash jones (@jzux) November 5, 2023\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"trash jones on Twitter / 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\"23 people have died in this house\"

Families in horror movies: pic.twitter.com/RU2erxD2Fy

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no thoughts november. i will not be doing any more thinking

clare (@sadderlizards) November 6, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"clare","author_url":"https://twitter.com/sadderlizards","cache_age":86400,"description":"no thoughts november. i will not be doing any more thinking clare (@sadderlizards) November 6, 2023\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"clare on Twitter / 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Just accidentally sang \"was the son of a pizza man,\" and now I'm intrigued.

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Gmail trying to start some work drama with these reply options pic.twitter.com/I5BXM7dPwI

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When you get your first bath since august and automatically turn into the Sarah McLaughlin ad. pic.twitter.com/1LV3Ws7gpz

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someone got ahold of my credit card number and spent money at the musee dorsay in paris. hats off to this cultured fraudster

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dark out at 4:30pm for the next 5 months... time to clock in at the ol parasocial relationship factory

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sure people start getting engaged, married and having kids, BUT something nobody truly prepares you for about your late twenties is how many of your friends start running marathons

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That weird burner account watching your stories isnt your ex. Its not your exs new girlfriend either. Its me. We dont know each other. We never have or will. But its me. Bc I stumbled upon you, & you became a beloved character in my nighttime routine. Itll always be me

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i dont understand how spending more money than i earn is irresponsible. im giving more than i take. im generous.

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I have personally decided to set my clocks back to 1991 and just be a baby again

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sometimes my mother will refer to men my father is lucky to have beat to the punch for her hand in marriage and 80% of the time its just a hot famous man who shes sure wouldve instantly fallen in love w her if theyd ever met. and i dont think shes wrong

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To have been loved is to have been changed https://t.co/dWuJEfIx47

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Doctors offices need those portable buzzers so instead of sitting in the waiting room forever you can leave and get buzzed when theyre ready for you like a medical Cheesecake Factory

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I invented an aesthetic called are u mad at me core and the vibe is tummy ache, too many exclamation points, post-drinking anxiety, tank tops in winter bc youre anxious sweaty all the time, etc

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I missed the anniversary of my dads best Facebook post pic.twitter.com/Tt8uNkfQ6E

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its been so overplayed in the cultural consciousness that it feels like no one even thinks of it as a real option anymore but imagining that airplanes in the night sky could be shooting stars is actually for real a beautiful and poetic thing to do . Anyway

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Im a simple woman and dont ask for much. Five meals a day. Nine hours of sleep. A pair of yoga pants, complete solitude, and no social obligations whatsoever.

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pug owners: my dog is the cutest thing ever

the dog: pic.twitter.com/Kz2qYgnb5m

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the way I abuse paper towels when Im cooking is ridiculous

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my mom just retired in time for my 24yo sister to get her first 100% remote job but my sister wants coworkers so she goes to my mom's house every day and works there and forces my mom to be her coworker

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they made a trailer without the music for people who hate musicals well if theres one thing people who hate musicals love, its being tricked into seeing a musical

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had a dream that i tweeted i just love salmon so much and someone quote tweeted it bears in the summer be like

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My husband's beige flag is he's always ranting about the \"feels like\" temperature on the weather app. \"If we always say 30 degrees FEELS LIKE a different temperature than 30 degrees, how can we ever know what real 30 degrees feels like??????\"

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No one:
Pepto Bismol Marketers: Lets make a song and dance about diarrhea

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Womens fall fashion is basically coming up with ways to wear a blanket without it looking like youre wearing a blanket.

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what show do you guys leave on for your pets when you leave. I put on Curb for my dog whenever I leave the house and I feel it has informed his personality

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