RHCP: Red Hot Chili Peppers

my brain: Real Housewives of Chili Peppers

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rediscovered the joy of reading for pleasure (bragging about it)

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when my niece was 7 i accompanied her on a school field trip & all day long her classmates ran away from me or stared at mein fear. so i asked her what their issue was & she said for months she convinced her classmates i was a real life vampire & they were, in fact, terrified.

gaialect (@gaialect) November 21, 2021","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"gaialect","author_url":"https://twitter.com/gaialect","cache_age":86400,"description":"when my niece was 7 i accompanied her on a school field trip & all day long her classmates ran away from me or stared at mein fear. so i asked her what their issue was & she said for months she convinced her classmates i was a real life vampire & they were, in fact, terrified. gaialect (@gaialect) November 21, 2021\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"gaialect on 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40 y/o stand up comedians be like:

i hate my wife.

i think i have gout

gen z love phone

thank you ill be here all night

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just got my stupid little 7 dollar coffee to fill the void and now im gonna stare at my stupid little thousand dollar phone to fill the void. anyway the void is not full

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[caught in an alien spaceships tractor beam]
Me: *calmly getting vaccination card out of my purse pocket*

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Why are people posting their names urban dictionary definitions did I wake up in 2011

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20% off isnt a Black Friday deal, thats student discount. Wow me by making it 50% off or something

8. (@GoWithTheFlo__) November 21, 2021","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"8.","author_url":"https://twitter.com/GoWithTheFlo__","cache_age":86400,"description":"20% off isnt a Black Friday deal, thats student discount. Wow me by making it 50% off or something 8. 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The older you get, the less people you let know when you're in town.

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I asked a financial planner if any of her clients who are my age are like maybe I shouldn't save for retirement because society will collapse and this will all burn way before then and she was like \"um not really no\" and then she just continued the PowerPoint

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my mother introducing me to her friends https://t.co/fZ2jPKyjFI

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I think we learn about other planets too young. They should keep it from us until were like, 16. Then be like, guess the fuck what.

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Been breaking the same pair of dr martens in for two years and starting to suspect I am the one who will break first

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rest in peace princess diana, i know you would have loved pete davidson

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just remembered how right before I got ready to do stand up for 6,000 people, my little sister was like i know youre too stressed and irritable right now for me to tell you that your lipstick color doesnt go with your outfit at all, so thats why Im not gonna say it

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people loooove talking about tolerance breaks when it comes to the devils lettuce but forget the greatest tolerance break is when u dont wear makeup for a few days and then put it on and realize youre the most beautiful creature on gods green earth

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youre telling me if i complete the task that is giving me stress then my anxiety about it will go away????? sounds fake

Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) November 22, 2021","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Kristen Arnett","author_url":"https://twitter.com/Kristen_Arnett","cache_age":86400,"description":"youre telling me if i complete the task that is giving me stress then my anxiety about it will go away????? sounds fake Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) November 22, 2021\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Kristen Arnett on 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I just think its cute that stamps are stickers with a job

Feliz nAvivadad (@AvivaMaiArtzy) November 22, 2021","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Feliz nAvivadad ","author_url":"https://twitter.com/AvivaMaiArtzy","cache_age":86400,"description":"I just think its cute that stamps are stickers with a job Feliz nAvivadad (@AvivaMaiArtzy) November 22, 2021\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Feliz nAvivadad on 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A lot of people in holiday movies giving first edition books as gifts

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Just once I want to listen to a true crime podcast and have the family say Honestly, she was kind of an asshole. But we still need to find out who did it.

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