*me sitting like a cooked shrimp* why does my back hurt

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COURTESY WARNING: we are ~8 weeks away from Spotify Wrapped so this is your last chance to binge listen to trendy things that wont embarrass you

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tbt to when i accidentally booked a non-refundable hotel and i was trying to get exp*dia to cancel it like 2 minutes after booking and they said, no but we can change the date so i asked them to change it to the year 2099 and they just refunded me

rebecca (@abcdrih) October 19, 2022","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"rebecca","author_url":"https://twitter.com/abcdrih","cache_age":86400,"description":"tbt to when i accidentally booked a non-refundable hotel and i was trying to get exp*dia to cancel it like 2 minutes after booking and they said, no but we can change the date so i asked them to change it to the year 2099 and they just refunded me rebecca (@abcdrih) October 19, 2022\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"rebecca on 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when my therapist asks how ive been the last two weeks pic.twitter.com/LFaFugVqUO

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90% of dog ownership is telling your dog youre not letting them out because you just let them out and then letting them out

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Who is going to play Liz Truss on the last 10 seconds of \"The Crown?\"

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found this list of potential nicknames for a tall woman. bet theyd all go over really well pic.twitter.com/DiBUTe7sFV

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I like that zillow is like \"you were looking at small affordable houses not far from your current neighborhood? what about an 8 million dollar home in the ocean. you know what- we'll just email you 15 times\"

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i like my men like i like my coffee. not hot enough to truly hurt me

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therapist: whats making you anxious

me: .*gestures broadly*

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being an adult is hard but can you imagine having to do math homework again

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I went to the total sweetie pie convention and everyone knew you

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bf who drives everywhere passenger princess girlfriend who says COWS every time she sees them

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Ryan Murphy productions are always written like how I would make my Barbies talk to each other

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1939: my husband is going off to war
2022: i am helping my husband choose which jibbitz to put on his crocs

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\"why does anyone even care about celebrity gossip?\"

I just read a headline that said jason sudeikis laid down in front of Olivia wilde's car to stop her from bringing Harry styles a salad with special dressing. I'm just supposed to scroll past that and go on about my day???

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Okay at this point we are dealing with a multiverse type situation pic.twitter.com/lrx287fj2y

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john green had to be using some sort of mind control bc why was i convinced okay? okay. was the peak of literature at 12

tia (@cursedhive) October 16, 2022","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"tia","author_url":"https://twitter.com/cursedhive","cache_age":86400,"description":"john green had to be using some sort of mind control bc why was i convinced okay? okay. was the peak of literature at 12 tia (@cursedhive) October 16, 2022\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"tia on 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MY BOYFRIEND ACCIDENTALLY SAID CUNT WRAP SUPREME IN THE TACO BELL DRIVE THROUGH

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Spending over $100 for make-believe groceries at Trader Joes when you still have to go to another grocery store for real groceries is camp.

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the 6th love language is being haters together

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my most deeply held belief is that the only way to purge a song thats stuck in your head is to get it stuck in someone elses like the videotape from The Ring

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I hate vapes so much you can be having a conversation with someone theyll blow strawberry shortcake smoke right in your face.

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My gf just told me I sound like an aristocrat because I say underarms instead of armpits

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Of course I listen to podcasts. What am I supposed to listen to? My own thoughts? Oh dear god no.

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