Today, whilst out shopping, I tried on a beautiful jacket. It was the jacket of a customer trying on another jacket and now I can never go shopping again.

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once I asked my parents if they had any ghost stories, and my mom was like \"well, we used to live in a farmhouse with a faucet that always leaked.\" and then my dad said \"one time I saw the devil\"

Kaitlin Ruiz (@Kaitlin_M_Ruiz) October 10, 2022","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Kaitlin Ruiz","author_url":"https://twitter.com/Kaitlin_M_Ruiz","cache_age":86400,"description":"once I asked my parents if they had any ghost stories, and my mom was like \"well, we used to live in a farmhouse with a faucet that always leaked.\" and then my dad said \"one time I saw the devil\" Kaitlin Ruiz (@Kaitlin_M_Ruiz) October 10, 2022\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Kaitlin Ruiz on 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went to the doctor. got destroyed. pic.twitter.com/fA1IQvrJdT

Karen Chee (@karencheee) October 12, 2022","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Karen Chee","author_url":"https://twitter.com/karencheee","cache_age":86400,"description":"went to the doctor. got destroyed. pic.twitter.com/fA1IQvrJdT Karen Chee (@karencheee) October 12, 2022\n\n","options":{"_hide_media":{"label":"Hide photos, videos, and cards","value":false},"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","thumbnail_height":2048,"thumbnail_url":"https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Fe41E_kWAA0F7M9.jpg:large","thumbnail_width":2042,"title":"Karen Chee on 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i relate to the moon bc i look amazing in person and terrible in pictures

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Find your band name! First name of the last person you had sex with + Last name of the last person you had sex with

nat cops break laws to terrorize/intimidate puff (@LeftAtLondon) October 10, 2022","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"nat cops break laws to terrorize/intimidate puff","author_url":"https://twitter.com/LeftAtLondon","cache_age":86400,"description":"Find your band name! 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I can't be the only person who says \"please leave me alone\" quietly out loud to her email.

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I'm sorry but \"non-fungible\" will always mean \"impossible to turn into a mushroom\" to me

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there is nothing in the song monster mash that explicitly says it was a dance, it could have been an orgy

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Me, at 18: I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANNA DO

Me, at 40: I can do whatever 800mg of ibuprofen will allow me to do

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Are you today's date? Cos you're a 10/10

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lion king on broadway review: 1pm sunday matinee full of kids absolutely losing their minds, puppets fucking rule, solid performances, one kid in the theater got so scared during Be Prepared that they were still audibly crying in the next scene, A+ would lion king again

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Summer - dont wanna work cuz Im having fun
Fall - dont wanna work cuz Im cozy
Winter - dont wanna work cuz life sucks
Spring - dont wanna work cuz life is getting better

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My flight was delayed a few times, the pilot just got on and apologized and said Dont worry about the time folks were gonna fly this thing like we stole it.

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Be diligent and check your child's candy this year, just found a negroni sbagliato with prosecco shoved inside a Twix. No words. pic.twitter.com/qocUDxKppY

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Too many Christmas rom-coms, not nearly enough Halloween rom-coms

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me, only halfway through a 12 foot skeleton assembly: the neck bones connected to the [starting to cry] other neck bone

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was SO sad that I finished all 6 seasons of my bedtime comfort show until I realized I can simply watch it again from the beginning. follow me for more cutting edge brilliance

ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) October 10, 2022","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"ely kreimendahl","author_url":"https://twitter.com/ElyKreimendahl","cache_age":86400,"description":"was SO sad that I finished all 6 seasons of my bedtime comfort show until I realized I can simply watch it again from the beginning. follow me for more cutting edge brilliance ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) October 10, 2022\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"ely kreimendahl on 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Girls actually text each other like, \"Im meeting a guy allegedly named Brian hereIf he murders me heres his Bumble pic so he can be brought to justice\" and then the reply's like, \"You got it girl - have fun tonight! \"

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Just checked what brand my cool fringe vest was to see if I could resell it and. pic.twitter.com/dNx5E4nIvC

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I love hanging out at my apartment. All my stuff is here

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thinking about how one of my friends just hard launched his relationship by posting on his story that hes getting married tomorrow

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I'd be fine with a ghost in the house if every time a message in blood appeared on a wall it was something constructive like IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE WEARING?

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i love how left handed people will always notice & point each other out in the wild. we could be getting stabbed and wed be like omg youre left handed tooooo

tracy aka bhad bhonnet (@brokeymcpoverty) October 12, 2022","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"tracy aka bhad bhonnet","author_url":"https://twitter.com/brokeymcpoverty","cache_age":86400,"description":"i love how left handed people will always notice & point each other out in the wild. we could be getting stabbed and wed be like omg youre left handed tooooo tracy aka bhad bhonnet (@brokeymcpoverty) October 12, 2022\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"tracy aka bhad bhonnet on 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sorry i kept yelling HIT ME at my tarot card reading

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actually my ancestors would want me to take a nap right now. Theyd be like hell yeah no one is trying to kill you or anything?? you dont have to like flee on a boat? your belly is full and its a beautiful day? thats sick babe! and so really I am honoring them

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if u drank the original four loko, dont forget to put on your retinol tonight

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