Im just remembering that my second year in America, someone asked me to validate their parking, which was my first time hearing the phrase, and after blinking stupidly in silence for a full five seconds I said Well parking is really hard but Im sure you did it really well

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why does Timothe Chalamet remind me of this kind of medieval shoe pic.twitter.com/TdaGho9Wlq

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Lifeguard is the weirdest job. Its like hey, youre 16 years old, make sure no one dies.

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when the microwave does the passive aggressive double beep when you forget your food .. i just wanna know which bills you pay to be taking that tone with me

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Thats my emotional support months long opened Google chrome tab

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Greg and I have to stand in these spots every mealtime for the dog or he wont eat. He looks at Greg who says MORE then he looks at me and I say MORE and this lasts til hes done. We used to have dignity pic.twitter.com/dnKAPfIrG9

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You telling me this foam has memories?

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my brain when someone else talks for 2+ minutes straight: wow love this story theyre telling!

my brain when i talk for 2+ minutes straight: everyone in this room wants to set me on fire

trash jones (@jzux) October 12, 2021","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"trash jones","author_url":"https://twitter.com/jzux","cache_age":86400,"description":"my brain when someone else talks for 2+ minutes straight: wow love this story theyre telling!my brain when i talk for 2+ minutes straight: everyone in this room wants to set me on fire trash jones (@jzux) October 12, 2021\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"trash jones on 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Me when I have to tinkle at a gala pic.twitter.com/0Lhr9sF7yW

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*The Olsen twins make a cameo in The Little Rascals*

Me at 4 yrs old: mom get in here something fucking insane is happening

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Was thinking about horror with structure-as-antagonist (the shining, house of leaves, the grip of it) and would read one set in a Cheesecake Factory, the most architecturally menacing place I have ever encountered

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bf is being hunter (ordering the bagels) I am being gatherer (asking ppl if I could please steal one of the chairs from their table if theyre not using it, no problem if not)

Maeve (@maevedunigan) October 10, 2021","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Maeve","author_url":"https://twitter.com/maevedunigan","cache_age":86400,"description":"bf is being hunter (ordering the bagels) I am being gatherer (asking ppl if I could please steal one of the chairs from their table if theyre not using it, no problem if not) Maeve (@maevedunigan) October 10, 2021\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Maeve on 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Are you crying ?
Me: no
Look at me
Me: pic.twitter.com/KSY66PbJc3

(@3dLooks) October 12, 2021","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"","author_url":"https://twitter.com/3dLooks","cache_age":86400,"description":"Are you crying ? 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I hate when people tell plus size girls they can't pull something off like honey I'm trying to buy white jeans not steal the Declaration of Independence

Samantha Ruddy (@samlymatters) October 11, 2021","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Samantha Ruddy","author_url":"https://twitter.com/samlymatters","cache_age":86400,"description":"I hate when people tell plus size girls they can't pull something off like honey I'm trying to buy white jeans not steal the Declaration of Independence Samantha Ruddy (@samlymatters) October 11, 2021\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Samantha Ruddy on 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all the video games my bf plays are like \"would you like to Search Beehive?\" and he'll say yes and it'll be like \"you have found: A Bee\"

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my mom has a great movie recommendation! she doesnt remember the title, but she said it stars jake something

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pinterest is so fucking crazy because i'll be saving an innocent photo of someone's sweater only to find out that the pin description is | TOM RIDDLE X READER | WATTPAD

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its not that i want to be skinny its that i want to be able to dress like shit and still get compliments

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Google Docs told me I should replace less teeth with fewer teeth, and i was like, oh honey, we are talking about two completely different things

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More sandwiches should be married (croque madame/monsieur)

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