my job? nfl team graphic designer. my mission? to make a bird look as mean as possible

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i love when apple is like \"we are going to install updates tonight when you are sleeping\" and when you wake up they're just like \"couldn't do it! you slept weird and we couldn't do it!\"

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tired of age gap discourse. now lets do vibes gap discourse, where one person in a couple lights up a room and the other is basically a sim

trash jones (@jzux) September 13, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"trash jones","author_url":"https://twitter.com/jzux","cache_age":86400,"description":"tired of age gap discourse. now lets do vibes gap discourse, where one person in a couple lights up a room and the other is basically a sim trash jones (@jzux) September 13, 2023\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"trash jones on 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i dont want to heal my inner child, i want to give her a big sword

Meg (@megannn_lynne) September 12, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Meg","author_url":"https://twitter.com/megannn_lynne","cache_age":86400,"description":"i dont want to heal my inner child, i want to give her a big sword Meg (@megannn_lynne) September 12, 2023\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Meg on 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I called my doctors office earlier today to make an appointment & when the receptionist answered the phone without thinking I went Hi my name is Brenna Smith and Im a reporter with The Baltimore Banner & she just went Ok. Good for you.

Journalism has ruined me

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actually the real monster is the person who goes out of their way to correct you that Frankenstein was the doctors name

stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) September 13, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"stoned cold fox","author_url":"https://twitter.com/roastmalone_","cache_age":86400,"description":"actually the real monster is the person who goes out of their way to correct you that Frankenstein was the doctors name stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) September 13, 2023\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"stoned cold fox on 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yeh ill get up soon i just need to look at the internet first. yes the whole thing

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call me richard the way we gonna link later

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(trying to sound like i read books) for whom the belljars

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when youre being mean to me just know this is who youre being mean to pic.twitter.com/IiAuyFOhQa

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Who says women can't have it all? I have depression, anxiety, mom guilt, an extra 15 lbs, debt, angst, terrible taste, and a soul-crushing busy schedule! You can definitely do it too

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At bedtime I ceremonially move the claw clip from my hair to the bag of chips, signifying the end of the day.

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I had day surgery today (nothing big) and they were like \"don't make any important decisions in the next 24 hours bc you might not remember them.\" But I had to go grocery shopping. Later Morgan was like \"you bought ... so much, like a lot, of cheese.\"

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I hate meetings but they also make me feel important like ugh i cant do this rn i have a meeting in 5 pic.twitter.com/T4fuajvaUX

Niggaless Cage (@afriasian) September 13, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Niggaless Cage","author_url":"https://twitter.com/afriasian","cache_age":86400,"description":"I hate meetings but they also make me feel important like ugh i cant do this rn i have a meeting in 5 pic.twitter.com/T4fuajvaUX Niggaless Cage (@afriasian) September 13, 2023\n\n","options":{"_hide_media":{"label":"Hide photos, videos, and cards","value":false},"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Niggaless Cage on 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the VMAs are funny when you realize theyre all these celebrities are crammed inside Newark, NJ

janie (@janiePHL) September 13, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"janie","author_url":"https://twitter.com/janiePHL","cache_age":86400,"description":"the VMAs are funny when you realize theyre all these celebrities are crammed inside Newark, NJ janie (@janiePHL) September 13, 2023\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"janie on 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this is sending me pic.twitter.com/61N2PZQYBB

co (@cowboylikeco) September 11, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"co ","author_url":"https://twitter.com/cowboylikeco","cache_age":86400,"description":"this is sending me pic.twitter.com/61N2PZQYBB co (@cowboylikeco) September 11, 2023\n\n","options":{"_hide_media":{"label":"Hide photos, videos, and cards","value":false},"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"co on 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thinking about travis kelce showing taylor swift his highlight reels on youtube while she sits there and nods. she finally gets to have the universal teenage girl experience

emily (@titosoatmilk) September 12, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"emily","author_url":"https://twitter.com/titosoatmilk","cache_age":86400,"description":"thinking about travis kelce showing taylor swift his highlight reels on youtube while she sits there and nods. she finally gets to have the universal teenage girl experience emily (@titosoatmilk) September 12, 2023\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"emily on 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my family reading my texts after I die pic.twitter.com/4WyBZTro0D

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i think if u have a really fucked up dream you should be allowed to call off work. i just watched my mother get attacked by a tiger and you expect me to hop on a zoom meeting rn

Cait (@CaitCamelia) September 14, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Cait","author_url":"https://twitter.com/CaitCamelia","cache_age":86400,"description":"i think if u have a really fucked up dream you should be allowed to call off work. i just watched my mother get attacked by a tiger and you expect me to hop on a zoom meeting rn Cait (@CaitCamelia) September 14, 2023\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Cait on 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Due to the Unfortunate! We are deeply out of Onions! Thanx pic.twitter.com/D69DJbeyBX

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My mom downloaded Uber and ordered a ride for the first time. She's 66, she's never done it, and I'm proud of her!

I was less proud to learn that in the process she accidentally signed up to become an Uber driver.

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There are two people thrilled with Drew Barrymore right now and they are Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis.

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