whenever I'm sad I think about how my boyfriend thought \"antipasta\" was \"every Italian food that's not pasta\", implying a great intra-italian struggle between pasta and not pasta

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Reading cooking instructions off the bag I just threw out pic.twitter.com/msOByp3ffi

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excuse me while I overthink this and get back to you.

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I would pay to watch footage of someone doing their \"own research\" on vaccines. Share your screen because I am absolutely dying to know what you're looking at

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me when I put furniture together by myself pic.twitter.com/K0dI7JoKl8

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the future is female, no worries if not!

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tiktok pathology will tell you eating raisin bran as a child instead of lucky charms was a form of social trauma that conditioned you to mature quicker than your peers

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Me 2 martinis in responding to all stories like theyre meant for me pic.twitter.com/HPxZQRGcM3

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Trying to take off a sweaty sports bra is the escape room of boobs.

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me and my anxiety when i go out #MetGala #MetGala2021 pic.twitter.com/nqP8JQ2Fc3

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Ohhhhh my god u only had a iced coffee to eat today? should we tell everyone? Should we throw a party?should we invite bella hadid

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forgot my mic was on and farted in a zoom class and it made me full screen so everyone knew it was me pic.twitter.com/r2HqSlGw05

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my high school drama teacher would give us assignments then perform them himself to show us what a 100% would be

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i like being stupid because it means im always impressed by movie plot twists

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the sign my boyfriend made for my half marathon. I cant pic.twitter.com/0nui8YM5RT

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You should be able to filter out the 1 star Yelp reviews that are like my SERVER refused to accommodate my 13 person party at 8pm despite the fact that I CALLED AHEAD and TOLD them I was a NIGHTMARE

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long live unfriendly Black hotties https://t.co/S1nCzTLxc7

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got told i look like a model last night and i was like sir im 52 surely you could find a more accurate way to flirt with me

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Met galas theme being Murica or whatever and everyone understood the assignment because it is pure chaos, no consistency, bad vibes, incoherent just rich people doing up rich people tings.

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I love Twitter cause it's like a scavenger hunt. Every day I get to follow the clues to find out why people are mad, and if I win, I get to be mad too!

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