Im currently trying not to let wearing my new Grinch onesie become my entire personality. It is surprisingly difficult.

Kiss my Fat Ash (@Tobi_Is_Fab) November 29, 2023

Jimmy Carter losing his wife and his arch nemesis in the same week is some soap opera season finale shit.

Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) November 30, 2023

i dont need a recipe for disaster. i usually just eyeball it

trash jones (@jzux) November 28, 2023

"giddy up jinglehorse pick up your feet" would devastate me

amelia elizalde (@ameliaelizalde) November 28, 2023

Choose your own adventure but it's a) getting up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and not getting back to sleep or b) ignoring the urge to get up to use the bathroom and not getting back to sleep

Pru (@prufrockluvsong) November 27, 2023

Doctors offices be like hi well take you right in the room take your vitals and then leave you in there for 2 hours.

@itssherifield (@itssherifield) November 28, 2023

i couldnt date someone british theyd be sick of me saying HARRY POH AH every time they spoke.

gaia (@gaialect) November 28, 2023

sometimes the bravest thing a girl can do is eat whats in the house when she really wants thai food

emz! (@blahblahemily) November 28, 2023

Me: Im going to check my email and then go to bed.

Me, 15 minutes later: *googling how tall was Abe Lincoln*

Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 28, 2023

oh youre a writer! what are you working on? my will to live bitch

ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) November 30, 2023

God gives his toughest battles* to his strongest soldiers.

*I have to log back into Hulu on my TV

Myrhhissa (@michimama75) November 30, 2023

The sound of connecting to dial-up internet just emanated from a distant corner of the coworking space.

All the millennials popped their heads up from their computers like a flock of prairie dogs being activated by a long-forgotten ancestral call.

Sarah McAnulty, Ph.D (@SarahMackAttack) November 27, 2023

having a golden retriever boyfriend sounds like too much work, where do I find a Garfield boyfriend so we can love lasagna and hate Mondays together

stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) November 27, 2023

Spotifys AI dj be like alright next up lets take you back to the lowest point youve ever been to your life, some of your favorite artists from your trip to rock bottom

samantha (@milkygoddess) November 28, 2023

Not to get political, but what is everyone wearing for Toyotathon this year

inspector ratchet (@_hood_mona_lisa) December 1, 2023

What I was warned about as a kid:
*Strangers in vans
*Gum taking seven years to digest
*Quicksand

What I wasn't warned about as a kid:
*Arguing with a computer that Im not a robot
*Being sad when my favorite spatula breaks
*Meeting a pickleball influencer

Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) November 28, 2023

Accidentally bought unsalted tortilla chips so I might as well just eat this paper plate instead.

Its , actually (@HourLongSauce) November 28, 2023

If u ever think ur stupid just know that one time a guy asked me what my attachment style was and I didnt know what that meant so I said PDF if its over email I hate when people send it as a word doc

Keara Sullivan (@superkeara) December 1, 2023

you want me to cite my sources? feminine intuition

kota (@kotatheartist) November 27, 2023

If you need me, Ill be over here imagining myself in situations that will literally never exist.

Kellalena (@topaz_kell) November 28, 2023

my dad just called me and said i dont know what a vanderplump is and i am too tired to do this so i just said thats okay

kenzi (@kenzianidiot) November 30, 2023

if you wanna know what being queer is like, tonight Im going to the opening night of my partners ex-partners play because we all love each other very much. Love wins

ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) November 30, 2023

i do not need to save another lil jar. i do not need to save another lil jar. i do not need to save another lil jar. i do not need to save another lil jar. i do not need to save another lil jar. i do not need to save another lil jar. i do not need to save another lil jar.

Lane Moore (@hellolanemoore) December 1, 2023

i love googling stuff. imagine not being able to google stuff. i would know next to nothing about the great molasses flood of 1919

chase (@_chase_____) December 1, 2023

it was a nice idea to put honey in a bear shaped container. Thank u to the dreamers and the inventors

kimberlee (@kimberleeerose) November 30, 2023