My wife's favorite spatula for I don't know...20 years broke on me this morning. Could I stay with you for just a couple of days?

— Cracked (@a_simpl_man) November 15, 2021

My wife just lit her Yankee Christmas Cookie candle so I guess its really happening.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 9, 2021

If I promise I wont tell anyone you should just assume that I am going to immediately tell my husband the next time I see him.

— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) November 14, 2021

If you don't whisper insults in a demonic voice to your husband over the baby monitor when he's trying to nap, what kind of crap wife are you anyways?!

— Lil Bit (@LizerReal) November 9, 2021

The jack-o-lanterns on my neighbors porch look like my wife and I twenty minutes into an argument about where to eat. pic.twitter.com/UXwo33AZhi

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) November 15, 2021

My husbands idea of togetherness is making noise in any room Im in.

— Teri Daniels (@bylinetd) November 11, 2021

My husband eating pizza in bed over our new duvet cover shows he's really not scared of me anymore

— Natasha (@dramadelinquent) November 7, 2021

Welcome to marriage: You now have TV shows you arent allowed to watch without your spouse.

— ThisOneSays (@ThisOneSayz) November 10, 2021

Husband: *looking at the Amazon packages at the front door*

Me: My eyes are up here.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 11, 2021

Secret to a successful marriage is to wake up and be the first one to say, I didnt sleep well

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) November 13, 2021

I had to work late. In my absence, my husband went to the grocery store and is now cooking dinner.

In light of this development, my new office hours are now extended until 7 pm every day.

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) November 9, 2021

I left my dog alone with my wife for 4 days! pic.twitter.com/sORXARtAYf

— wisdom of salomon (@jess_salomon) November 14, 2021

Honestly elated to be home fixing everything my wife broke while I was away because fixing things for people is my love language

— lucy bexleyPreorder No Strings (avail. Jan 13) (@bexley_lucy) November 14, 2021

Could someone please feed my husband while Im out of town? I cant prove it, but I somehow know he has only eaten spoonfuls of peanut butter in the last 24 hours.

— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) November 11, 2021

My wife hates our new soft close drawers, being furious with me doesn't have the same effect.

— Cracked (@a_simpl_man) November 9, 2021

I fell asleep on my husband's chest last night and he complained that he could feel the vibrations in his chest from my snoring.

What can I say, I'm a catch.

— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) November 7, 2021

my husband said i looked like a bear waking up from hibernation so dont tell me romance is dead

— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) November 13, 2021

When I tell my husband I just need to get one or two things as we enter a shop, and he goes to get a trolley

Marriage level: Expert

— Natasha (@dramadelinquent) November 11, 2021

My wife and I are at the point where I just have to text her "Hey" and she'll text back "It's on the dresser."

— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) November 14, 2021

Im sorry for what I said when my husband put all my bras in the dryer

— Maryfairyboberry (@maryfairybobrry) November 8, 2021

I couldnt find my phone so I asked my husband to call it and after 30 minutes of looking we were able to find his phone.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 13, 2021

Wife: Our son has no work ethic.

Me [on couch watching Netflix while my muted Zoom call continues on my laptop in the kitchen]: I don't know where he gets it.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) November 14, 2021

On the first weekend of football season my husband brought in two extra TVs to our den and they just live here now. Im watching Project Runway on the big TV and he has games muted on the other two TVs. Aesthetically its unattractive but we are deeply satisfied emotionally.

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) November 12, 2021

Sorry you finally folded towels in thirds only for your wife to tell you, we roll them now.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 7, 2021