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Posted: 2024-10-15T09:45:18Z | Updated: 2024-10-15T09:45:18Z

Imagine going in to meet your boss for the first time on the occasion of your performance review. They know a lot about you, but you have no idea how much of it is based in reality, because all of your observations and reviews have been conducted by a biased third party with ulterior motives.

This is basically the set up of a parent-teacher conference, where two anxious adults meet to discuss how well theyre performing the task of teaching a reckless and nonsensical little person how to exist in the world.

There is a lot of judgement, a lot of nerves, and occasionally some laughs.

Here, the wittiest parents on X (formerly Twitter) sum up the reality of parent-teacher conferences.

At school today, my 8yo wrote a story about the time I \"got mad at daddy,\" but she says I shouldn't worry because she left out the part where I \"yelled all the bad words.\" I can't wait to see that one at the parent teacher conference.

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At school today, my 8yo wrote a story about the time I "got mad at daddy," but she says I shouldn't worry because she left out the part where I "yelled all the bad words." I can't wait to see that one at the parent teacher conference.

Laura Marie (@lmegordon) September 26, 2023

It's parent/teacher conference day. Also known as two hours of me getting the \"Well, that explains a lot\" look.

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It's parent/teacher conference day. Also known as two hours of me getting the "Well, that explains a lot" look.

Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) November 13, 2018



Teacher: What do you hope your son never loses?
My Ex: His kindness
Me: Oh my GOD his shoes - Kindness. His kindness, yeah

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Teacher: What do you hope your son never loses?
My Ex: His kindness
Me: Oh my GOD his shoes - Kindness. His kindness, yeah

AsKateWouldHaveIt (@KateWouldHaveIt) April 18, 2018

Proudest moment of my 2yo parent-teacher conference today: he really understands jokes above his level.

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Proudest moment of my 2yo parent-teacher conference today: he really understands jokes above his level.

Lucy Huber (@clhubes) November 10, 2022

As a parent, have you ever gone to a parent teacher conference and felt like you didnt get a very high score?

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As a parent, have you ever gone to a parent teacher conference and felt like you didnt get a very high score?

Jennie Breeden (@jenniebreeden) November 9, 2023

Just had a parent teacher conference and I learned that when my kid had his first fire alarm drill he screamed EVERYONE RUN FOR YOUR LIVES and ran out of the room i cant LMAOOOOOO

Nydia (@nydiabeats) March 15, 2024","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Nydia ","author_url":"https://twitter.com/nydiabeats","cache_age":86400,"description":"Just had a parent teacher conference and I learned that when my kid had his first fire alarm drill he screamed EVERYONE RUN FOR YOUR LIVES and ran out of the room i cant LMAOOOOOO Nydia (@nydiabeats) March 15, 2024\n\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Nydia on Twitter / 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Just had a parent teacher conference and I learned that when my kid had his first fire alarm drill he screamed EVERYONE RUN FOR YOUR LIVES and ran out of the room i cant LMAOOOOOO

Nydia (@nydiabeats) March 15, 2024

I'm counting this parent-teacher conference as a date night.

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I'm counting this parent-teacher conference as a date night.

Stephanie Wyeld (@steph_the_twit) November 15, 2018

Me: Is there anything you want to tell me before your parent teacher conference today?

8: *conducts longest monologue since school started*

Moral of the Story: You can learn a LOT of really entertaining information during pre-parent/teacher conference confessions.

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Me: Is there anything you want to tell me before your parent teacher conference today?

8: *conducts longest monologue since school started*

Moral of the Story: You can learn a LOT of really entertaining information during pre-parent/teacher conference confessions.

The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) November 3, 2021

I DID IT I GOT THE 6:15pm parent teacher conference time slot

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I DID IT I GOT THE 6:15pm parent teacher conference time slot

Alli Girl (@AlliAlliG) November 17, 2023

My Son Is Definitely Mine, Vol. ?

At todays parent teacher conference, @VAMNit was informed that when it is my sons turn in Storytime, he insists on accompanying music,
enlisting a friend to play drums while HE tells the story and I just...

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My Son Is Definitely Mine, Vol. ?

At todays parent teacher conference, @VAMNit was informed that when it is my sons turn in Storytime, he insists on accompanying music,
enlisting a friend to play drums while HE tells the story and I just...

Lin-Manuel Miranda (@Lin_Manuel) June 3, 2019

I LOVE parent teacher conference day.. its just a whole day of other people bragging about my kids for a change

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I LOVE parent teacher conference day.. its just a whole day of other people bragging about my kids for a change

MOMMA $PICE (@ItsMrsPlugg) October 7, 2024

I told Luna I have parent teacher conference tomorrow and she said I love you mom. Everything is lies LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOO

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I told Luna I have parent teacher conference tomorrow and she said I love you mom. Everything is lies LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOO

11.1 (@invadert__) December 6, 2023

I had parent teacher conference today for my 3 year old.. and her teacher told me Every day, I wonder which Charli Im getting today, and whats going to come out of her mouth. One time she walked up to me and said Ms. _____, you have a big butt. I love you

Like girlfriend!?

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I had parent teacher conference today for my 3 year old.. and her teacher told me Every day, I wonder which Charli Im getting today, and whats going to come out of her mouth. One time she walked up to me and said Ms. _____, you have a big butt. I love you

Like girlfriend!?

Sab (@MommaSabs) March 14, 2024

My gift to my husband is to not tweet about how he scheduled a parent teacher conference on Valentines Day. Wait

krista pacion (@kristabellerina) February 14, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"krista pacion","author_url":"https://twitter.com/kristabellerina","cache_age":86400,"description":"My gift to my husband is to not tweet about how he scheduled a parent teacher conference on Valentines Day. 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My gift to my husband is to not tweet about how he scheduled a parent teacher conference on Valentines Day. Wait

krista pacion (@kristabellerina) February 14, 2023

Its parent-teacher conference day at daycare and apparently my kid is the one who is constantly reminding other kids to follow the rules, am I raising a cop oh no

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Its parent-teacher conference day at daycare and apparently my kid is the one who is constantly reminding other kids to follow the rules, am I raising a cop oh no

Jay Willis (@jaywillis.net on Bsky) (@jaywillis) March 20, 2023

The number of steps involved to sign up for a half hour parent teacher conference is absolutely sending me.

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The number of steps involved to sign up for a half hour parent teacher conference is absolutely sending me.

Courtney Ellis (@courtneyellis) October 25, 2023

My 10 month old's school is holding parent teacher conference today. Lol

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My 10 month old's school is holding parent teacher conference today. Lol

Ashley Winter MD || Urologist (@AshleyGWinter) October 20, 2023

TFW you do a parent-teacher conference and get told that while your 9 y/o is adorable and sweet, she does command a small \"mean girls\" troop that roams around the playground during recess and gossips.

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TFW you do a parent-teacher conference and get told that while your 9 y/o is adorable and sweet, she does command a small "mean girls" troop that roams around the playground during recess and gossips.

Bradley P. Moss (@BradMossEsq) November 6, 2023

so last night I told Junie, today I have parent teacher conference. I said, is there anything you wanna tell me now that your teacher might tell me.when I tell u, he sat down, crossed his legs and told on himself for 20 minutes shkkjgdsss

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so last night I told Junie, today I have parent teacher conference. I said, is there anything you wanna tell me now that your teacher might tell me.when I tell u, he sat down, crossed his legs and told on himself for 20 minutes shkkjgdsss

ANTOINAE (@antoinae) February 9, 2023

First graders are so random. They will come up to you in class and say, My mom likes to smell my stinky feet, leaving you to deal with that knowledge, as you sit across from the stinky feet mom later that afternoon at parent/teacher conference.

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First graders are so random. They will come up to you in class and say, My mom likes to smell my stinky feet, leaving you to deal with that knowledge, as you sit across from the stinky feet mom later that afternoon at parent/teacher conference.

Michelle (@michelleDbelle) November 11, 2023

Me yelling down to my wife: \"Honey, should I wear the Saw, Friday the 13th, House by the Cemetery, Studio 666, or Frogman shirt to the parent/teacher conference!\"

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Me yelling down to my wife: "Honey, should I wear the Saw, Friday the 13th, House by the Cemetery, Studio 666, or Frogman shirt to the parent/teacher conference!"

Jeff Whitmire (@JeffWhitmire1) September 10, 2024

6yo: Mommy, I had to correct my teacher on pronunciation today.

Me: *muttering* OH, good that will be a fun conference to have.

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6yo: Mommy, I had to correct my teacher on pronunciation today.

Me: *muttering* OH, good that will be a fun conference to have.

3 Wild Rainbows (@wildrainbow2) September 16, 2022

Parent teacher conference today. Teachers informed me that my son has not been giving 100% to his class work. When I asked him why hes not working harder, his response: With global warming coming, I dont see the point, Im not gonna need those skills for the apocalypse

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Parent teacher conference today. Teachers informed me that my son has not been giving 100% to his class work. When I asked him why hes not working harder, his response: With global warming coming, I dont see the point, Im not gonna need those skills for the apocalypse

Lynn Nottage (@Lynnbrooklyn) November 15, 2019

Whats the appropriate amount to bribe the teacher when attending your first parent teacher conference?

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Whats the appropriate amount to bribe the teacher when attending your first parent teacher conference?

John Cena (@SohnCena) January 9, 2020

I went to my 3yo's parent-teacher conference tonight, and apparently she's formed a gang with the other girls and they play a game everyday called \"take our babies to McDonald's.\"

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I went to my 3yo's parent-teacher conference tonight, and apparently she's formed a gang with the other girls and they play a game everyday called "take our babies to McDonald's."

Laura Marie (@lmegordon) October 26, 2022

Not sure why the school supplies list included a pack of blue painters tape but I do know that my question at every parent-teacher conference will be so have you used that painters tape yet until the answer is yes.

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Not sure why the school supplies list included a pack of blue painters tape but I do know that my question at every parent-teacher conference will be so have you used that painters tape yet until the answer is yes.

Ben Fowlkes (@benfowlkesMMA) August 26, 2024

Me: I have to go to the 9y.os teacher conference tonight.

Husband: Im doing bedtime? Id rather do the conf-

Me: -whos her teacher?

H: ...bedtime it is.

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Me: I have to go to the 9y.os teacher conference tonight.

Husband: Im doing bedtime? Id rather do the conf-

Me: -whos her teacher?

H: ...bedtime it is.

Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) January 25, 2019

Me: Your parent-teacher conference is coming up.

6-year-old: Oh.

Me: Is the anything I should know about?

6: No. I do all my bad stuff at home.

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Me: Your parent-teacher conference is coming up.

6-year-old: Oh.

Me: Is the anything I should know about?

6: No. I do all my bad stuff at home.

James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 18, 2018

I had a parent-teacher conference today and Im glad that my sons teacher agreed with me: were both convinced he can read but doesnt want to because he enjoys being read to and thinks thatll stop if he shows he can read solo

chaos robot (@deestiv) March 6, 2024","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"chaos robot ","author_url":"https://twitter.com/deestiv","cache_age":86400,"description":"I had a parent-teacher conference today and Im glad that my sons teacher agreed with me: were both convinced he can read but doesnt want to because he enjoys being read to and thinks thatll stop if he shows he can read solo chaos robot (@deestiv) March 6, 2024\n\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"chaos robot on Twitter / 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I had a parent-teacher conference today and Im glad that my sons teacher agreed with me: were both convinced he can read but doesnt want to because he enjoys being read to and thinks thatll stop if he shows he can read solo

chaos robot (@deestiv) March 6, 2024

Parent-Teacher Conference happened.

Current status: Awaiting follow up email re: direct quote of what my 5-year-old said about me. He \"wrote it down somewhere\"

This is bad. Very bad.

Doc McMuffins (@Cynical_Parent) November 14, 2019","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Doc McMuffins","author_url":"https://twitter.com/Cynical_Parent","cache_age":86400,"description":"Parent-Teacher Conference happened.Current status: Awaiting follow up email re: direct quote of what my 5-year-old said about me. He \"wrote it down somewhere\"This is bad. Very bad. 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Parent-Teacher Conference happened.

Current status: Awaiting follow up email re: direct quote of what my 5-year-old said about me. He "wrote it down somewhere"

This is bad. Very bad.

Doc McMuffins (@Cynical_Parent) November 14, 2019

[parent teacher conference]

Me: can you stop testing my son?

Teacher: uh-what?

Me: his low grades are making me look bad.

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[parent teacher conference]

Me: can you stop testing my son?

Teacher: uh-what?

Me: his low grades are making me look bad.

NewDadNotes (@NewDadNotes) July 8, 2020

We had Ronans first parent teacher conference today and his teacher was like he is NOT shy

Tasha Coryell (@tashaaaaaaa) June 14, 2024","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Tasha Coryell","author_url":"https://twitter.com/tashaaaaaaa","cache_age":86400,"description":"We had Ronans first parent teacher conference today and his teacher was like he is NOT shy Tasha Coryell (@tashaaaaaaa) June 14, 2024\n\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Tasha Coryell on Twitter / 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We had Ronans first parent teacher conference today and his teacher was like he is NOT shy

Tasha Coryell (@tashaaaaaaa) June 14, 2024

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You can tell it's their first parent teacher conference because the Mom looks like she's going to barf and the Dad looks like he's applying for a loan.

*What I assume the other parent are saying about us right now.

The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) November 9, 2018","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"The Salty Mamas","author_url":"https://twitter.com/saltymamas","cache_age":86400,"description":"You can tell it's their first parent teacher conference because the Mom looks like she's going to barf and the Dad looks like he's applying for a loan.*What I assume the other parent are saying about us right now. The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) November 9, 2018\n\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"The Salty Mamas on Twitter / 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You can tell it's their first parent teacher conference because the Mom looks like she's going to barf and the Dad looks like he's applying for a loan.

*What I assume the other parent are saying about us right now.

The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) November 9, 2018

Be the dad you pretend to be at parent teacher conference night

The Dad (@thedad) January 2, 2020","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"The Dad","author_url":"https://twitter.com/thedad","cache_age":86400,"description":"Be the dad you pretend to be at parent teacher conference night The Dad (@thedad) January 2, 2020\n\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"The Dad on Twitter / 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Be the dad you pretend to be at parent teacher conference night

The Dad (@thedad) January 2, 2020

{Teacher Conference}

Teacher: Any questions?

Me: Given that spice is the basis for galactic civilization, why would the Padishah Emperor allow the Great Houses to squabble over Arrakis instead of administering it directly?

Teacher: Again, your child has bitten several people

Schmrrrlex (@alexlumaga) September 10, 2019","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Schmrrrlex","author_url":"https://twitter.com/alexlumaga","cache_age":86400,"description":"{Teacher Conference}Teacher: Any questions?Me: Given that spice is the basis for galactic civilization, why would the Padishah Emperor allow the Great Houses to squabble over Arrakis instead of administering it directly?Teacher: Again, your child has bitten several people Schmrrrlex (@alexlumaga) September 10, 2019\n\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Schmrrrlex on Twitter / 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{Teacher Conference}

Teacher: Any questions?

Me: Given that spice is the basis for galactic civilization, why would the Padishah Emperor allow the Great Houses to squabble over Arrakis instead of administering it directly?

Teacher: Again, your child has bitten several people

Schmrrrlex (@alexlumaga) September 10, 2019

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