Preteens in a nutshell:

11yo: Can I have a hug?
Me: *Hugs her and feels touched that she asked*
11: Youre breathing in my ear

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My tween talks a lot of smack for someone whose entire social existence currently depends on MY Wifi.

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My 11 year old son screams I found a hair at least 10X/daily as he eagerly inspects his (hairless) armpits. Followed by the declaration, Im a Man! #pitsniffer #boys #thatslint

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Driving my 11 yo daughter and her tween friends around.

The things I said:

You guys are loud!
This music is terrible!
Ok. Calm down back there.
The air conditioning is high enough

That life switch happened for me guys. Im not the new father anymore. Im the Dad.

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If your tween daughter says its fiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnne just know its probably not fine.

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I scolded my sons for tossing the decorative couch pillows at each other: \"I didn't buy those pillows so you could throw them around.\"

Tween daughter breezes through the room and comments: \"Technically, they're called throw pillows.\"

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12: *says hes bored*

Me: great, why dont you-

12: *walking away* nah Im good

Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) November 20, 2021","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Snarky Mommy","author_url":"https://twitter.com/SnarkyMommy78","cache_age":86400,"description":"12: *says hes bored*Me: great, why dont you- 12: *walking away* nah Im good Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) November 20, 2021\n\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Snarky Mommy on Twitter / 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Kids are sentimental over the weirdest shit. My tween begged me not to throw away his old retainer so I put it under his dads pillow.

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as a millennial dad Ive never not been Too Online so I know the best combination of buzzwords to maximize being annoying to my tween; she got a meatball sub for lunch and I said oh she in her marinara era for real and the eye roll could have powered our house for a year

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Toddler mom: please take a second bite of chicken

Tween mom: please do not eat an entire second chicken

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Tween: Happy Birthday mom! Hows it feel to be one day closer to death?

Kids are the best.

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When my son was a toddler, I understood 60% of the words he said, and now that hes a tween I understand 60% of the words he says.

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Its been a tough time lately as my son is going through the dreaded terrible twos

Hes nearly 12, but still

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Called 11 bro in front of his friends so theyd know I was a cool mom.

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My tween daughter, who believes Crocs are the pinnacle of fashion, just saw a picture of 12 yo me with bangs and iridescent lip gloss, and said ew coupled with a sneer of utter disgust.

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12: Mom, I don't like it when you wear makeup, you look desperate.

Thanks for reading.

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My tween claims hes learned nothing in middle school but the uncontrollable giggling when he scored 69 points on a game suggests otherwise

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Congrats to my tween for graduating at the top of his class from eye roll university.

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I thought renaming twitter to \"X\" would be an idea only a 12 year old boy would love, but my 12 year old thinks it's stupid and \"sucks butt\"

Schmrrrrrlex (@alexlumaga) July 23, 2023","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Schmrrrrrlex","author_url":"https://twitter.com/alexlumaga","cache_age":86400,"description":"I thought renaming twitter to \"X\" would be an idea only a 12 year old boy would love, but my 12 year old thinks it's stupid and \"sucks butt\" Schmrrrrrlex (@alexlumaga) July 23, 2023\n\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Schmrrrrrlex on Twitter / 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Shopping with my tween & he says Im cramping his style. Oh, ok kid wearing the same shorts 3 days in a row that keeps forgetting deodorant, which style is that?

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Me: Are you eating chips in the living room?

11: Cmon Mom, I promise I wont sp- (already spilling the entire bag)-ill

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11: can I see one of your last tweets?

Me: *pulls up tweet*

11: no, I meant a funny one

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My tween, who wanted money, told me I dont look a day over 41. Im 40.

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Whats it like having a tween daughter? Imagine being the subject of a Comedy Central Roast for 14 hours a day.

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No one can put you in your place faster than a tween girl.

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11 wanted to learn to levitate for her birthday but read that adults dont believe in magic or whatever, so I guess forget it, and asked for a gift card instead, thus commencing her tween years in predictable fashion.

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Going to have to hire a National Geographic photographer to come into my home and camouflage themselves as a new end table for a few months, if I ever want to see my tween son smiling in a photo.

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11s friend is staying the night and he goes At 11 years old Ive discovered the meaning of life, and I dont like it

I like this kid

Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) August 7, 2019","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Professional Worrier","author_url":"https://twitter.com/pro_worrier_","cache_age":86400,"description":"11s friend is staying the night and he goes At 11 years old Ive discovered the meaning of life, and I dont like it I like this kid Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) August 7, 2019\n\n\n","options":{"_maxwidth":{"label":"Adjust width","placeholder":"220-550, in px","value":""},"_theme":{"value":"","values":{"dark":"Use dark theme"}}},"provider_name":"Twitter","title":"Professional Worrier on Twitter / 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Every time a tween rolls her eyes, a mother sprouts a new gray hair.

Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) January 9, 2020","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"Rachel Sobel","author_url":"https://twitter.com/whinecheezits","cache_age":86400,"description":"Every time a tween rolls her eyes, a mother sprouts a new gray hair. 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Today is my daughter's 11th. Birthday.

11 is a weird age gift wise.

She wanted a Hydro flask, a trip Build a Bear and her cartilage pierced.

hahahaheater (@dishs_up) December 29, 2019","type":"rich","meta":{"author":"hahahaheater ","author_url":"https://twitter.com/dishs_up","cache_age":86400,"description":"Today is my daughter's 11th. 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Tween: I NEED to text my friend back.

Text they immediately need to respond to:

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Doctor: What brings you i

Me: CAN I GET A XANAX PRESCRIPTION UNTIL MY TWEEN LEAVES FOR COLLEGE?

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Me: \"You need to shower today.\"

11y.o: \"What? Why?! It's only been a day!\"

Me: ...

11: \"Ok, two days. But-\"

Me: ...

11: \"Maybe three? What day is it?\"

Me: ...

11: \"FINE. I'll go shower.\"

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\"What do you want for breakfast?\"
12: toast and jam.

Day 2.
\"What do you want for breakfast?\"
12: toast and jam.

Day 3.
I know! I'll just surprise her with toast and jam.
12: I don't like that.

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