Im a coach who helps clients recover from compulsive, addictive behavior in relationships, yet Im still working on my own addiction. Hello, Im Shannon and I'm the Imelda Marcos of dresses. I own 78 of them. 78.

Where am I going to wear all these freaking dresses?

• I write from home, usually in my pajamas.
• I volunteer at my kids' schools in sweats because theyre teenage girls and really embarrassed if I look "too fancy" while I'm on their campus. Because it's "show-offey."
• I go to Shell to pump gas, on fleek in my hoodie.
• I go to a meditation workshop where you basically hyperventilate until you see God wearing yoga pants and a t-shirt that says, "Kiss Me, I'm Irish."

My Dress Buying Triggers

• When I weigh more than I want to, I buy a dress.
• When a book publisher passes on my book, I buy a dress.
• When I find out someone I know sold their substantially inferior book to Hay House, I buy a dress.

Conversely:

• When a client thanks me for helping them, I buy a dress.
• When my self-published book wins a Kirkus Star, I buy a dress.
• When the elderly masseuse is massaging my butt and asks if I work out because I have a good body, I first worry I'm in a Happy Ending parlor, and then I go home and buy a dress to congratulate myself.

Ive come to understand that it's not Adult Shannon who is buying the dresses.

It's Little Shannon.

She looks disquietingly like my grim daughter Clare when she was 14-months-old.