I ran into Target to buy pencils & accidentally spent $257.63.

Long story short, my husband says I'm not allowed to go to Target anymore.

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[Target]

Me: We're just picking up a few things, right?

Wife: *evil cackle*

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People who arent used to being in Target:

There are rules. Stay in your lane. The left lane is for passing only. Enjoy the popcorn. If the mom in front of you is smelling candles, be patient. Your turn is coming soon. Smile at everyone, this is our church.

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I go to Target to forget my troubles and everything I needed to buy.

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My wife hates snakes. But if they sold snakes at Target, we'd probably have a few snakes.

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The bad part about going to Target by yourself on a Saturday night is...
...
...
...absolutely nothing. Its one of the worlds purest joys.

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My husband goes to Target with a list and comes home with ONLY THE ITEMS ON THE LIST. What kind of monster did I marry?

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Husband: Just go to Target by yourself. I'll put the kids to bed.

-Mommy porn

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Do you come here often? You look so familiar. -Stephen the target cashier to me just now.

Yes Stephen. Yes I do.

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My 3-year-old: I wish we could just live here at Target.

Me: *welling up with tears* I know, baby, I know.

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Shopping with mom friends at Target in our yoga pants cuz maintaining my brand is very important to me

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When youre on a date with your wife at @Target and you have some fun at the self checkout with whoever is monitoring you. pic.twitter.com/lrEzJHIT9H

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Me with kids at Target: why can't everyone be more patient and understanding?

Me without kids at Target: get out of my damn way with your annoying kids.

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My preschooler just asked me if we were going to pray to Target today and now Im thinking hes really on to something.

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I'm looking for a woman. All I know about her is that her name is Ali she's a mom and lives in Burbank and she's shopping in Target rn and said it'd only take 10 minutes but it's been 30, and she's also married to me. Twitter do your thing.

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How to get your kids to stop coming with you to Target:

Son: Mom, can you buy this for me?
Me: I'm not your Mom.
Son: Mom, stop.
Me: Let's go find your Mom.
Son: MOM, STOP!
Me: SECURITY!

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On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: everything at Target that she needed but not the one thing that I need that I asked her to get.

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[Target]

Don't waste money on seasonal horseshit
Don't waste money on seasonal horseshit
Don't waste m- omg look jack-o-lantern tea towels!

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For anyone who says parents can't have Friday night fun, I'm at Target right now buying toilet paper.

So, yeah, you're right.

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The best part of shopping at Target is the convenience. And that at least one mom always looks more frazzled than I do.

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Me, to my daughter: You can like anything you want. Ignore gender stereotypes.

Also me, to my daughter: You have to love Target. Those are the rules.

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My wife: We only need one or two things here at Target...so why dont you go ahead and grab a cart.

Me: pic.twitter.com/zHnMp3OAZN

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I think Time's person of the year should be the mom in Target I saw that was singing Daniel Tiger's theme song without her kids with her.

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Went to Target and the cafe wasn't open yet, so I couldn't get popcorn.

I don't think I've ever been this sad before.

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When future anthropologists study mom culture, I hope they can fully comprehend the joy of a kid-less Target run at 8pm.

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listen. do NOT go drunk shopping at Target on a Saturday night. pic.twitter.com/lF8Ovyx4Z5

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I needed a pack of 49 cent index cards from Target so yeah, of course, I just spent $238.

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Other Mom: I finished back to school shopping weeks ago

Me: I went to Target but couldn't remember why I was there so all I have is wine

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My wife: lets go walk around Target but dont let me buy anything.

My wife 5 min later: Can you go get a cart?

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Are you even a mom if you don't pull a crayon from your purse to sign your receipt at Target?

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Target is like, sentient. I show up and it talks to me, sorts out my problems, tells me all the things I need to buy.

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When I'm stressed or upset my husband says \"Do you need to go to Target?\" And that's how I know I married the right man.

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