You dont know how hard it is to deal with a child who just wont eat, my friend Sean has said to me repeatedly. We have kids the same age, toddlers who are different in gender and spirit and are each a product of parents who have their own relationships to food.

Although his disgruntledness, despair and overall exhaustion were apparent, I couldnt help but wonder: Would things be easier if he just let go? And how bad was the not eating, really? His son is a sweet, loving, beautiful, perfectly adjusted and well-fed-looking child. Was Sean just being dramatic?

His distress rubbed off on me. Although my daughters fall into what seems to be considered the very prestigious and sought-after good eater category of kids, they dont always eat what I cook for them. They sometimes skip meals as well, and my oldest considers an entire bag of Oreos to be a perfectly suitable form of lunch. As opposed to Sean, was I being too laissez faire? Was I not giving my kids enough attention? Are my daughters actually picky eaters?

I set out on a quest to figure out what, exactly, a good eater is and what sorts of issues even qualify as issues when feeding our children. Plus: how to solve them.

Issue 1: I introduced foods too late or too soon?

Introduce solids earlier in order to prevent picky eating, my friend Alexa, a mother of three, emphatically told me when I asked if she had any tips to dish out. And dont be afraid if they dont like it. Keep trying!

In my unscientific research mostly consisting of conversations with fellow parents and a few pediatricians and nutritionists, Alexas point comes up often as mothers and fathers seem to constantly wrestle with the ideal time to offer real food to an until-then milk-fed baby.

Waiting too long to introduce textured foods can be an issue, explained board-certified pediatrician Molly OShea. The window of opportunity is between 6 and 12 months.

That being said, as OShea acknowledged herself, a lot of pediatricians suggest offering kids food as early as 4 months old to decrease the risk of allergies. The idea is not to give a large amount of food during this time but to introduce foods and get your baby accustomed to eating, she explained.

Formula or breast milk is the primary source of nutrition and calories for babies up to 12 months, said registered dietitian and nutritionist Christine Randazzo Kirschner. It is therefore important to remember that the foods you provide at this age are for exploratory purposes.

Of course, its important to note that kids are not robots. That is to say: They wont all behave the same way and they are allowed to have preferences, likes and dislikes just as their parents do.

Case in point: my own daughters. Although I excitedly started giving them solids at 4 months, respectively, they reacted completely differently to their change in diet. Giordana, my first, was basically eating like an adult by the time she was 9 months old, whereas Alessia, who is just about that age now, seems to still prefer purees to baked potatoes, grilled salmon and burgers. My technique left unchanged, their reactions differed and I am constantly reminding myself that, after all, they are two distinct people.

Issue 2: Texture, texture, texture

Conversations surrounding childrens relationship to food undoubtedly leads to talk about texture.

Lets be clear: It is absolutely normal for your baby to take some time to adjust to different sorts of food textures. Do you remember when you first tried Jell-O or a tapioca drink? It probably took your adult palate a few bites and tries to get familiar with their fairly odd consistency. Now measure your childs palate-related discomfort with that in mind.