What can I say about Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom that will shock you?

The dinosaurs are scarier: Of course they are. The brouhaha over Bryce Dallas Howards high heels is cheekily referenced the second she arrives on-screen: Of course it is. The cycle of human greed that insists on breeding, monetizing and militarizing prehistoric beasts is infinite: Well, of course it is, goddammit.

Five movies in, the wonder that Steven Spielberg captured 25 years ago in Jurassic Park has faded from the franchises DNA. In 2018, the magic of the CGI he perfected to bring an ill triceratops and an intimidating T-rex to the big screen is mundane, just as it was when Jurassic World resuscitated the series to plodding results in 2015. Every blockbuster cribs from Spielbergs technology, even if fewer and fewer capture his spirit.

Which is to say that Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, in all its expensive stupidity, has little new to offer. And yet, dear reader, I do have something that might shock you something I cant even say about Jurassic Park, a near-perfect slice of American ingenuity: I cried watching it.

Yes, I shed a few stray tears during an oddly affecting sequence in a movie about dinosaurs outwitting human imbeciles. Let me explain.

The setting is Isla Nublar, the Costa Rica-adjacent island that now houses the fallen Margaritaville sign and other remains of Jurassic World (once the site of Jurassic Park). Three years later, the destruction has turned former operations manager Claire Dearing (Howard) into a warmhearted activist determined to protect the remaining dinosaurs from a government indifferent to their security. Putting her trust in a cagey assistant (Rafe Spall) who works for Jurassic Park architect John Hammonds onetime business partner (James Cromwell), Claire recruits two colleagues (an antsy computer whiz played by Justice Smith and a mordant paleo-veterinarian played by Daniella Pineda) and ex-boyfriend Owen Grady (Chris Pratt, even more olive-skinned and blockbuster-ripped this time around) to save the dinosaurs from an erupting volcano.